i love this fanfic! please write more

Great story!

English wouldn't happen to be your second language, would it?

Impossible to finish.

C-

Uh...your first story needs work. My first suggestion is to find

a person called a *beta reader*. It's a person who you get along

with, who's good at writing and can give you some substantive

feedback. I think your efforts would be a lot better with some

guidance. For now, I wouldn't send stories out without an editor.

The formatting problems alone made it hard to read. But at least,

you have enthusiasm.

Cool

Still good. Write more. Now.

Did you lost the plot on the way or something?

Check grammer and spelling. Hard to read because of structure (or lack thereof).