Ok for real you need to take some sort of English class, or retake it at least. It was absolutely horrid. You need to first start out by SEPARATING the text, as in what they are saying. That means the stuff in the quotation marks ("") They should be in there own line.

It was a great plot line, but you just sort of pushed it all in together, and that makes it a lot hard to read.

So, seriously, separate your lines, learn to spell, learn to form a sentence properly, and don't run it all in together.

Sincerely,
JAT