Wowwwww...Simba has a messed up head :L

Wow!

I have to admit, this idea had never occurred to me. You have a great twist on the story here. I really like what you did with Vitani (I did always like her) and Simba's over-reaction to Kiara's actions now makes so much more sense. I mean, the second movie was great and I loved it, but I never understood why Simba was so ready to flip out all the time. Excellent job with descriptions and your vocabulary is very well suited to the story.

A couple of critiques I'd like to offer though (most grammatical, don't worry):

1. Rafiki's speech pattern doesn't seem to be consistent. Mostly the switch between "me king" and "my king" bothered me a little. Then again, I haven't studied Rafiki's speech at all, so I guess I wouldn't know.

2. Your possessive nouns aren't consistent either. I can't point out specific places right now (I know, shame on me).

On the other hand, you do very well with keeping your tenses straight. And in this style, that has to be pretty hard.

Keep up the good work. Love the story. I'll keep reading if you keep writing.

I thought this story was rather good. The characters are rather well done. I only saw two small problems. One has to do with a couple tiny typing errors that most people wouldn't notice, such as a misplaced apostrophe. The other was a slight confusion about the fate of Kiara's sister. I can't quite figure out whether Rafiki found a 'permanant solution' to the cub problem or if Vitani could have been the cub all grown up. Could you please tell me what the intention was?

Overall, this was a great story, if slightly disturbing should it prove true that Simba is a little more like his uncle than he wants to admit.

i think it would have been even cooler if the second cub was Kopa ... it would have explained his absence ...

but good job ... dark ... something TLK is not accustomed to ... nice twist ...

this was very well done!

You have truly come a long way. Ironically, my new story is about Kiara's birth. But a twin though, nice affect. Can't believe Simba lied, but as long as he feels guilt for his actions. It's also good to see that their was something more then just Kiara's words to push him into accepting the OL's.

Great work my friend.

LP

That was sad and happy the mixed feeling's made the story very good.I loved it.

Very nice. Simba is a murderer.. I always knew there was something strange about him ... :o

good.

You have this wonderful talent for creating morally disgusting situations. It's another great story, and it shows a weakness in Simba that I don't think I've ever seen before. Great job with this.