XD
Like when he sucked a Mexican lollipop. I fell out of my chair at that bit.
All in all, great story.

I love the very last line.

I very much enjoyed reading your story, it had a lot of interesting turns in the plot line. I liked the fact that the setting was not in one place the other entire time, and had smooth transitions from location to the next. The other good things I noticed was an attention to detail and also trying to make solid and vivid descriptions of whatever was happening. I found that this story was pretty well thought out and was interesting to read. I did notice however some slight changes that might need to be made such as some spelling errors and things like that.