Oh my. I don't think I've laughed this hard at a story before. Yes, AT. Your character is a blatant Sue, your spelling and grammar are both absolutely atrocious (honestly, meat? do you speak English?), and your knowledge of Dexter is rudimentary at best.

I hate flamers as much as any other person, but I'm just hoping this is a parody.
If it is, it's kinda funny.
If it's serious, you're a disgrace to fanfictions.
This nearly made me vomit with disgust, in all seriousness, I feel embarrassed to have even read this.
Learn how to write, Embarras à la littérature

LOLz!11!11! x


awesome! @_o

This story has a complete disregard for everything. It is a joke to keep this on the site and an insult to the people that actually take the time to post great works of fiction onto FFN.

I have reported you to the moderators of this site for complete disregard of the guidelines listed at this address: /guidelines

0.o...Are you just learning how to speak english?? Really.. You had to be stoned when you wrote this...First of all LEARN HOW TO SPELL! Theres nothing worse than finding a story only to realize you can't understand shit. Also DO YOUR RESEARCH! Your profile looks just as messed up...You might want to go back and finish the 1st grade...

You CANNOT be serious...

It made me laugh when you wrote "I looked stilish and sofisticated". By the title I hope this is only the worst parody I've ever read or you just love Mary-Sues too much. I'd never come across such a blatant Sue, and one with a double barrelled name to boot! Seriously, this is a massive no-no, as it ruins the credibility of the story, particularly when Dexter says he loves you/the Sue. Similarly at least make the title "The Fruit Bowl Murder", because as it currently stands, people aren't taking you seriously before they've even started reading.

Dexter doesn't have any feelings, only going out with Rita (originally at least) to keep up the facade of normality. As he calls himself the Bay Harbour Butcher, I'll assume this is season 2/3, and therefore he is either still with Lila or has gone back to Rita, by which point he realises there is something more to their relationship than he thought

The worst part, however, is him telling a stranger, that he was the BHB, which is something he tells absolutely no one (not even Debs or Rita). Just as bad, is Annabelle's reaction, where this person who she just met and described as her soul-mate, turns out to be a serial killer. She's going to do more than say "OMFG" and then make out with him.

How to improve the story then...I think a full rewrite is in order. I have no problem with a new love interest for Dexter, but there needs to be more pacing and development. We can't believe that these two characters would fall in love over coffee. This should be a gradual development, and can't take place over 500 words.

Start by sketching out the basic plan of the story, and write down descriptions of the characters, where you plan to go with them and how they will act. Then flesh it out with more description and the story should start to make more sense. For example, the murder scene is described as "gross", which does not lend itself to the imagination. I suppose you can get away with not writing about the Department building, Dexter's apartment etc., but new places have to be described so we can get a feel for where this story takes place.

Too much like hard work? Well at least copy and paste this into MS Word (or similar) and use a spell checker. It will eliminate all the silly spelling and grammatical errors that take the story from poor to laughable. If you’re serious about the writing thing, try a beta reader, who will do that as well as provide you with hints, tips and story suggestions.

Hope this helps,
Collection of Masks.

P.S. the fact that this review is nearly as long as the story should tell you another area to improve. You can not have 3 chapters totalling less than 600 words. More please!

Your piece starts out with some decent ideas, but they need some direction. Also, after reading this I thought that you might be a very good parody writer. Maybe you should try writing a parody of Dexter, and make it funny. But if you do that include lot's of the small Asian guy in it. He always makes for good laughs. But I always tell everyone don't stop writing.

Where to start. Nothing is right. Nothing. You have had your fun with this hack job. At least be honest with yourself and label it as such.

y is everyone saying this is a gnome fanfic? i luv you so much alice c (;P) keep writin!

xoxoxoxox your cousn amanda!

I'm really desperately hoping you're a troll.

You said this is your first Dexter fan fic? Hopefully, it is your last as well. The writing is horrible. Grammar wise, it looks like it was written by a six year old. I am not trying to be mean, but seriously...did you write this as a joke?

X_x

I hope you're joking.