nice story
you get the "Candy Boy" story style perfectly

but i don't think it rely need M rated !

i like you style rely i wish to read more candy boy from you soon :D

i liked your story!! thanks for the quick read!! i hope you write a new on soon ;P

LOL. The 'innocent' bribery, used in order for Yukino to get her snacks. XD
Overall, I thought the two of them were pretty OOC. The last scene was amusing, though, so I guess it makes up for it.
Thanks for the read.

Hi PandaYuri!
I review this stroy, but of course did I read 'The Art Assignment' too, and since you asked to be told if Love between Sister(s) is any better, I have to say, I don't care about the writing style as much as some other readers do. Why? Because 'TAA' with its dialoge-form and your rewrite now, is both a good read. I havn't had a problem with it at all! I have both storys added on my alert-list, so I hope you will continue with the plot, regardless the form ^^

please continue!

better :) cant wait to reread the rest ^^

This style of writing is much better :3 Gonna point out the problem with missing periods in some areas but I do like this version more as it is an improvement. Keep working at it and you'll improve more! :)

hey, its me again! I saw that you posted the first chapter in the story just edited up so i figured id check it out and give some feed back. I also went back and read the original to compare and contrast.

The writing isn't that bad. Not bad at all. id watch out for uses of the words She and Her when using two female characters in a large series of actions as it can get very confusing very fast. That said, you do manage to use their names in their speech alot so its clear which she and which her you are talking about.

I like this style a lot better obviously. The scene with the biggest difference is clearly the scene with the dramatic pause towards the end of the chapter. The extra details really help us feel for the characters and get into the moment. instead of reading about awkwardness we feel awkward silence.

well this is a bit of a short review since the plot doesnt really need to be looked upon as i mentioned most of that in the original. i look foward to the having the entire story rewritten in this much improved format