Okay, this needs serious work. The entire thing is, from what I can see, based around an OC, a location that nobody is familiar with, poorly thought out dialogue, one particular problem being that you don't detail who's speaking and when. Another major problem is that nobody has a name so far. They are just 'the professor', 'the girl', 'the man'. Long story short, this is the work of a complete amateur.

First thing, don't stray from what people know. If you're going to have a story, you need a common foundation that everyone who reads this is familiar with. Don't just mix together some random stuff and hope that people understand.

Second, give people names. You can't have a story full of characters defined by pronouns.

So basically, don't make things confusing, give some basis for what the hell is going on. Give people some information, don't make them guess. Your spelling and grammar isn't half bad, so that's something, but that doesn't help much when nobody knows what the hell is going on. You need an exposition, stat.

I hope this helps you improve your skills, best of luck.

Good work but maybe in stead of Lelouch being his father it should ancestor for logical reasons

But still pretty awesome

Bizarre and a little short but its acceptable

Nice work set the stage for subplots grammatically sound decent spacing now work on the le3ngth a bit for the next one and filter the crack out before you post it.