Its really good! Update Soon!

"The two kingdoms of men had been allies for ages - since before the fall of the dark lord" -- Sauron fell at the end of the Second Age. Since Boromir is 17, this is Third Age 2995 (23 years before the Fellowship leaves Rivendell). Rohan has only existed as a nation since Third Age 2510 -- just 485 years at this point. The relationship and military cooperation between Gondor and the Rohirrim goes back longer than that, but considerably less than two millennia before the War of the Ring -- definitely not anywhere near as far back as the end of the Second Age.

See these articles for the history of the Rohirrim and Rohan:
w w w. glyphweb. com/arda/r/rohan. html
w w w. tuckborough. net/rohan. html

"The woman was introduced as Theoden’s wife; the children as his son, niece and nephew" -- Elfhild, Théoden's wife, died when their son was born (2978). Since Boromir is 17 (and Théodred too), this must be the year 2995. Éomer is 4 years old, and Éowyn is either an infant or hasn't been born yet -- and as both of their parents are still living (and will be for several years yet), they would not be likely to be traveling to Gondor with Théoden, his apparently undead wife, and their son.

Sorry, I can't take the canon slaughter. And as for "bug eyed" Éowyn, I can only assume that you intend to marry off one of these girls to Faramir. Not my kind of story at all.

eiluj - Thank you for your reviews thus far. I appreciate them greatly. I will remember to research a little more in the future - as well as use spell check :P


I do not see this posted in the description of my story, but I remember listing this as taking place in an 'alternate universe'. Yes, Lady Finduilas will have died in Tolkein's novels at a young age, long before the Lord of the Rings had taken place. However I felt like the girls needed a mother figure, so I chose to have her around. Also, I know Hama is not a Gondorian character -- I have him in a later chapter (not sure if I have it posted yet or not).

Again, thank you for reading and for pointing out where I need to devote more work. It may be a little late to change some things but I will keep your pointers in mind in the future. Please try to enjoy my story in spite of the shortcomings - it is the first time I've written something this long :)

"I am sure my mother would not turn you away from her home" -- Unfortunately, Finduilas of Dol Amroth died when Boromir was ten and Faramir was five.

Háma is a canon character; he's one of the Rohirrim, Théoden's doorward and the captain of his guard, one of the most memorable of the minor characters. The name is Anglo-Saxon, the language Tolkien used for the Rohirrim. It's not a name anyone in Minas Tirith would have had.

For your corrections:

"others who wander the planes" -- That spelling is for aircraft, geometry, and carpentry. A relatively flat area of land is spelled "plain" -- for example, the Great Plains, where the Plains Indians lived.

"she was unsure weather or not she would like it" -- "Weather" is temperature, precipitation, etc. The word you want is "whether." The pronunciation is different.

Possessive pronouns don't have apostrophes. All other possessives do, but none of the pronouns.

Hi. I'm having trouble with some of these names.

"I am Inwë Arcamenel. I am not elven, but that does not and will not hinder me from going by the name bestowed on me by Legolas" -- Inwë is Quenya. I believe there was a *male* character in Book of Lost Tales (real old stuff that Tolkien later discarded) with that name, but in the major Quenya-English dictionary (Helge Fauskanger's), it's defined as meaning "ourselves." [That's a dictionary that does include personal names, but that word appears only as the possessive pronoun.]

Arcamenel is Quenya also. Now here’s why you don’t want to use Quenya in this circumstance:

Legolas's grandfather Oropher was from Doriath, Thingol's kingdom. Oropher might have been a lord or he might even have been related to Thingol (Celeborn, who himself was Thingol's great-nephew, greeted Legolas in Lórien with a reference to his being kin). In any case, Oropher was from Doriath, where Thingol not only forbade his people to speak Quenya, but even forbade them to answer in Sindarin if they were addressed in Quenya. This was such a powerful edict that *all* the Noldor in Middle-earth switched from Quenya to Sindarin. Seven thousand years later, in late Third Age Middle-earth, Quenya was a language of lore (generally compared to our use of Latin). So while it's *possible* Quenya was part of Legolas's presumably excellent royal education, it's highly unlikely he would have given anyone a Quenya name. [You can read about Thingol and Quenya in "Of the Noldor in Beleriand" in The Silmarillion.]

There would have been nothing odd about a mortal using a Sindarin name. *Most* Men in Gondor and Arnor had Elvish names; the vast majority were Sindarin, though occasionally someone might be named for a historical figure whose name was Quenya. For example, these all had Sindarin names: Aragorn, his parents and grandparents, his cousin Halbarad, Boromir, Faramir, both of their parents, Beregond and Bergil, Ioreth, Húrin of the Keys, Mablung, Théoden's mother Morwen... One of the few Gondorians of that time who *didn't* have a Sindarin name was Imrahil; his name was Adûnaic (an ancestor of Westron, the modern Common Speech; Adûnaic was spoken in Númenor and in the early Númenórean settlements in Middle-earth).

Finduilas is Sindarin (the only problem I have there is that it was the name of Denethor’s wife; and it’s probably confusing to use it for another character). Arnatuilë is Quenya again. Even if Legolas decided to give people Quenya names, he’d have more sense than to mix Sindarin and Quenya.

If you're not sure which language is appropriate for a particular era or people, use this flowchart:
elffetish. com/names. html

Wherever you’re finding these characters’ names, if they’re mixing Sindarin and Quenya, you shouldn’t use that source (the same is true for any Elvish word list that doesn’t tell you which Elvish language it is). Here are two trustworthy sources for Sindarin names (delete the spaces in the addresses):

elffetish. com/singen. html -- This page now *automatically* produces a correct Sindarin name; you input the meanings you want, and it makes all the necessary changes.

w w w. councilofelrond. com/modules. php?op=modload&name=Semantics&file=index&options=SemanticsMenu&volume=4 - Here you can choose names by meaning, or find the Sindarin equivalent of a modern name; note that some modern names aren’t culturally appropriate in Middle-earth (for instance, you wouldn’t want to give a character a name that meant “wolf” or “dragon,” because in Middle-earth those were monsters that threatened good people; similarly, you wouldn’t want to name a character “Angel,” because that would be too close to giving someone the name of a Vala (which was a no-no).


"wandering men, rangers they were called, that would take advantage of young girls that they found alone" -- Oh my! I think you've been reading too many badfics. The Gondorian Rangers were an elite military group, trained in stealth and woodcraft. To quote the Encyclopedia of Arnor, "A force of the soldiers of Gondor, selected from the descendants of the people who had dwelt in Ithilien before it fell from Gondor's control. Dressed in camouflaging green and brown, they crossed the Anduin in secret to harass the forces of the Enemy in Gondor's old domain."

So unless your girls were wandering around Ithilien, they wouldn't have encountered any Rangers. And they wouldn’t have been in Ithilien, because: 1) about 65 years before the War of the Ring, Ithilien had become so overrun by Sauron’s creatures that the last the Gondorians crossed to the other side of the river; 2) the Anduin was so wide and deep that your girls couldn’t have crossed without a boat.

The Rangers of the North were those Men of the Northern Dúnedain who patrolled the area of the old Kingdom of Arnor, trying to keep people safe -- fighting orcs, trolls, wargs, bandits, Dunlending raiders, and any other bad guys they found. Please don't malign them either. They could have had an easier life and stayed at home, but they sacrificed their comfort and safety to try to make the North a better place. That’s called responsibility.


If you're going to change from first person to third, you need a break of some kind: either a section break (skip extra lines or add a “line break”), or make the first-person paragraphs a prologue/introduction. It’s very awkward as it is -- and the last reaction you want your readers to have is “#*%~@! What’s going on?”