I thought that was really well characterized. You sohuld give yourself more credit! The disjointed sentence pattern worked so well for Chrona, and suited the presumably disjointed flow of thoughts in his/her head.

I wish I could say more. (I loved "Very Bad Idea" as a proper noun. xD) The interaction throughout was really nice and you write Soul and Maka's banter perfectly, too. Great job! :)

What a wonderful perspective of Crona! I especially loved the parts in the brackets, bringing more depth into Crona and the people around her. The friendship between Crona and Maka was always something that touched me. Great job on this!

Great job on it :D

it was written very well

I think it was very in-character. There are tons of ways to interpret how Chrona will react to situations s/he has never been in, and I think you did it very well here.