  Sean Fogle
2009-04-16 . chapter 1 I am a little confused to what went on at first in the starting chapter, think Pitbulady noted about the Banishment Door. If that's what Fungus was using, it went to the wrong place since that door only went to the Himilyas. And the door Randall originally was thrown through was...well..destroyed.
Other than some plot hole bits, your writing is good and it flowed smoothly. Don't at all be discouraged by the story, just has a few kinks ^_^ I'll be watching and good luck ^_^ |
 pitbulllady
2009-04-14 . chapter 1Couple of problems here-this is NOT a flame, but is intended as constructive critisism, by the way. First, there's no such thing as a "hillbilly marshland". That would be an oxymoron, like "dry water" or "cold heat". Hillbillies are people who live way back in the Southern Appalachian MOUNTAINS or Ozark Mountains; the "hill" in "hillbilly" comes from the fact that they live in the HILLS. Not all people in the South, or who speak with a Southern dialect, are hillbillies; most, in fact, are not. In "Monsters, Inc.", the wretched trailer into which Randall was thrown(ILLEGALLY, I might add) was in Louisiana, which has no mountains and no hillbillies, unless they're from someplace else. The kid in the trailer had a distict accent typical of the Cajun people of southern Louisiana, where alligators are regarded as one of the five major food groups. Those people didn't go after Randall with a shovel just to get him out the house(he was trying to leave on his own, anyway), but to EAT him.
Also, there was only one "banishment" door in the factory, and that was the one belonging to Waternoose. It was illegal, too. Banishment was indicated as a punishment for certain serious crimes, a punishment that was to be decided by a judge and jury, following a trial and conviction(Sulley mentions something to another co-worker about "how was jury duty", indicating that this part of the Monster World had a legal system similar to that of the United States). Waternoose flaunted the law of the land in many respects; that door was his way of dealing with his personal enemies and those who'd crossed him. It would be stupid if every monster had the authority to "banish" anyone they didn't like, or disagreed with, anytime they felt like it, now wouldn't it? If they are like us, the Monster World would soon be empty, because at some point, EVERYONE is going to tick off someone else! All of them would wind up here if it was just a matter of finding a door and shoving someone you had an issue with through it! This is why what Sulley and Mike did was illegal; they chose to act as judge, jury and executioners and took the law into their own hands, rather than let the judiciary and legal system take care of Randall. In doing so, they denied him due process, and became just as much criminals as he was. Two wrongs do not make a right and never have, never will. The door in the factory leading to the trailer in the bayou was shredded, and was NOT a banishment door, but just a door. There is no way, unless someone rebuilt it like Mike did with Boo's door, that anyone could ever leave the Monster World through it ever again, or return through it.
PitBull_Lady |
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