I really like your writing! Awesome story!

I like, I like very much! Your descriptions were fantastic, and your use of characters, little Lucy, evil little Lucy, and OC (guy in resteraunt and other bystanderds), was very believable. Your description of the vectors was vague, though, and should someone stumble across your story and not know about Elfen Lied (mainly the vectors, in this case), they may think you're describing other physical arms that are just longer than her usual arms.

As for chapter lengths, the length you have Chapter 1 or a little shorter is fine with me. ^^