   Celebrian-Gladiola-Elwyn
2009-12-16 . chapter 14Hey, Elwyn here. Yeah, everything's okay I guess. I dunno, just a lot going on and it's taking a lot to handle and many aspects of my life have had to be put on hold. I don't really wanna go into it, but yeah, you definitely deserve to hear from me, so here goes.
Well, first off I want to say that your story is definitely going superbly, at least from my standpoint. You've kept up the action very well, it moves quickly, but not so fast that you can't appreciate all of the other great aspects of your stories. For instance, the characterization that goes on is really good, you go about it gradually so the reader is always learning new things. I'll give you an example that I particularly liked:
I really liked how you went about Kaiba getting his revenge for Sonja. Some people would argue that Kaiba should have just gone and beat Keith up, but the way you constructed it says a lot about his character. He prefers the more, elegant (for lack of a better word) approaches to getting what he wants. Not by outright brutality, in a more careful manner, but it's still very effective. That fits his character well, much better than any other tactic would, I think.
I think it's good that, even though Kaiba and Sonja have finally admitted their feelings for each other, they still have small arguments. These bring out Sonja's more assertive personality, although Sonja's a great character, one has to be careful when writing about someone like her. If not done with caution, she could come across as being kind of dull or even kind of grumbly (again, for lack of a better word, what I mean to say is that she might seem overly-moody, but you get the idea). Now so far, you've done an excellent job of avoiding that as I mentioned previously, but it's just something to be aware of.
This is just a quick note: You've set yourself up well bringing Marik back into the story if you wanted.
Alright, I have to go soon, but I have time to mention another couple things.
Super cute. That just needs to be said. Kaiba and Sonja are so perfect together and whenever they interact, they make me feel warm and fuzzy inside (they also give me unrealistic expectations, but hey that's half the fun). The second 'first kiss' was really good. It didn't seem awkward, which very easily could have happened with the two characters. It was really cute! So great job on that.
Alright, last I think Kaiba's grudging friendship with Yugi was portrayed well. Yugi being nice and polite and everything and Kaiba being a little sullen about it was well written and it seemed very believable!
Alright, I gotta go now, but, great job in general! Keep up the awesome work. |
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