Good job, telling the story from Severus's view - how lonely he was, and how ambitious he was already!

The thing I liked best about this was how you write a young Severus. Instead of making him a short version of his touchy adult self, you wrote him like a child would actually behave, playing pretend. Young Severus is confused and spontaneous and enthusiastic. Lily is well written too. She's not bossy but she is very skeptical until Severus provides her with proof. Her interaction with Petunia sounds like the sibling squabbling it is. Well done!

I think you meant the secondary character to Lily Evans P., not Lily Luna. That aside, I feel sorry for Severus-he's finally found a friend. He thinks. I hope he enjoys the illusion for as long as he can.

I think you captured young Severus very well here. I particularly like his "accidental magic" conjuring Lily.

I like! Especially, "No longer was he just little Severus Snape of Spinner's End. Oh no! He was Severus the Great... Severus the Invincible... Severus the Stupendous!" I always felt that Severian would be a little like Calvin, and this just tickled my funny bone. Good job!

Good :)