Wow, less than 350 words. And lots of BIG gaps and ff-spam to fill up the space.

Katie is most in character during her 100 words. But that's not much to judge on, because 100 words is basically nothing.

Again, the ff version of spam at the top of your story. Much less than a page long. Are you embarassed if it's not a page or something? You have to have the scroll bar? For goodness sake, concentrate on the story, not your word count.

Some is in character, some is out.

I really think you should get rid of the pointless info at the top of your chapter. Have you not read the Guidlines here on ff?

This chapter is really small, 500 words is my guess. I think you should concentrate more on writing your story than writing out the info that is found anyway on ff just to make it look like you've written more. It was pretty god. But doesn't Emily have red hair? Or am I blind?

oh i love the naomi insight. gret chapter hun update soon i hope

Oh i just noticed tihs and i really like the first chapter. I love how you get into naomi;s head to and now im og to read the next... Love it nd keep writing

you portray naomi very well...
i love this and i am already awaiting the next update!!
this is pretty amazing, 5 stars..!

Yay, daydreaming Naomi! She wants her bad; this is really sweet and I like the shortness of each chapter, keeps it v. interesting.
Fave line: "I don't know - Mary Magdalene, does it matter?" haha

Loving this and the characterisation of Emily, most excellent ! Write more !

Short and sweet. Want more, please.

Actually loving this already. Can picture it perfectly. And I think you might just have invented the term kiss-rape, good work!

Aw, I really like this scene. Predatory Emily is a great idea and having Naomi as the nervous one works well. You should write more!

I loved this. Definately the way I could have seen it happen. Looking forward to the next installment