Not bad. The only problem I had was the past/present thing. Example:

"Andrew watched as they walked out hand in hand. He'd decided, it's the

last time he'll ever see Aino Minako again."

See, you've gotten some parts mixed up. Since you're telling it in past

tense, it should have gone something like this:

"Andrew watched as the walked out hand in hand. It was, he knew, the last

time he'd ever see Aino Minako again."

See? You're keeping it all the same. Minor correction, I know but it was

distracting. Keep up the good work!

Duchess _