Wow... I don't know Japanese and am not familiar with the original work/canon of Double Arts, but... just wow.

Drabbled to perfection.

a lovely look at everything :) cute and insightful.

I read these on LJ too (I was just stalking the double arts section though). They're so adorable. I love how Kiri just wants to hold her hand - reminds me of the omake "and afterwards".

This was so cute! I loved it.

I like it a lot! Is a shame the manga won't continue TT

wow .. those were really nice .. haha

stupid ratings .. this manga rocked!

good job! I hope you write more!

I love it.

Great work.

Bravo, bravo my friend! It's good to see some Double Arts material around here. I encourage you to keep up the good work!

(Who knows? A hundred words can make the difference _ )

My critique:

I must admit, even if it is a more accurate translation, putting "Kili" instead of "Kiri" is not a substitution I favor. It just sounds wrong (to me at least).

Also, a good deal of this passage (which you broke up nicely, by the way) felt like it could have been elaborated on.

I admire your brevity (I'm usually long-winded, as you might have noticed XD); however, some of the segments with the quotes (like "I have brought back...") would have been able to stand on their own as separate chapters. The underlying theme is good, and as a writer, use that to your advantage in a series of drabbles. I suggest you make them longer and post them as separate chapters.

Word to the wise: Use less pronouns and names as subjects, etc. (Ex: Elle, Kiri, they, he, she, it...) And check your verb tense, it isn't quite consistent.

Other than that, I have nothing to point out. :) I can't wait for the next chapter!