It is great to see an update from you. My face actually lit up with delight in seeing this post!

The viewpoint continues to be absorbing and i laughed out to

"Then she solemnly assured me that it was very rare for Johnny to set a building on fire"

and

"Had the client's brother once worked as an underwear model or something like that?"

The investigators naivety is an brilliant twist!

Hope to see chapter 3 soon please!

I don't know anything about this fandom, so what I say here is merely based on what I've read in this chapter.

It's quite enjoyable; I usually stick to reading fantasy stories not set in modern times, so it means something that I liked this. What it means is that your execution of the chapter, of your characters is nearly flawless. Agreeing with the last person who gave you a review, there isn't much to really critique you on here - I actually wonder why you need or want crit if you write like this, but that questioning can be saved for later.

I could be a bit nitpicky and say the second sentence could be broken down a bit, considering it reads like a big run on. Read it aloud and you'll see what I mean.

You do have a few words that you include that you don't need scattered about, like so and what not that just weigh the sentences down, but that could fall under style, so it's your choice whether you fix that or not.

"One look in her eyes and you could see that this was a woman who knew where it was at."- where what is at? Clarify.

I got a good idea what Susan looks like, but your other character is still a bit vague- I couldn't really picture him. I don't know if this was intentional or not.

A few of your sentences don't make sense. For example: "…showing she had a good head for figures as well as that dynamite figure of her own." What exactly are you trying to get at here? I know you’re trying to say, but I think you could make it a bit more clear- you don’t need the ‘own’.

Hope this is helpful.

I don't know much about the Fantastic Four, but I get the feeling that you are trying to make this into some sort of old Noir film. The jargon you're using sounds like it, at least. There's not much criticism I can provide, but sometimes I felt lost when it came to some of the expressions you used:

"One look in her eyes and you could see that this was a woman who knew where it was at."

Yeah... I didn't get what you meant by that.

But I did enjoy your sense of humor though:

"It was almost enough to make me wish I handled divorce cases, but I’ve never been that hungry."

At the end though, I think you could've used a different ending phrase, instead of 'Fire away!', something cooler, like 'Shoot.' That usually happens in Noir films, if a noir-ish theme is what you're looking for.

I apologize if this isn't sufficient enough for a critique.

japaneserockergirl

A very nice approach to the narration of the story - different, which is good, because change is as good as a holiday, or so they say. I've worked my way through all the Johnny centric stories so far on this site, and it's fun to have a new, and well written one, show up. So many on here are unfinished...

I really like your approach to this story.

It is not something that is done often and even when it is I find that it sometimes does not work well. However you are a contradiction to this, I love it.

Additionally I like the extra twist of the detective not knowing the Storm’s identities.

My mind is now racing ahead in an attempt to figure out what has actually happened to Johnny (my favourite character!).

My only question however is which city this story is set in, as you did not mention it?

Looking forward to an update soon.