I really like your story! I can't wait for an update...and the look on Titmouse's face when he realises just how fabuloutooting awesome Karigan is!

(Alton must die in a hole...or marry some other chick and quit giving Karigan eyes and calling her 'Kari' gr, she is Zachary's babe)

I'm really enjoying this so far, good writing. Can't wait for the next part!

Hm, it's pretty good. You spelled Captain Mapstone's name wrong, it doesn't have an 'u' in it, it's just Laren...

No you can't just stop I want more! this is very nice, I can't wait to see where you go from here

(all together now) aw... (ah, who am i kidding?) mwahaha! yes! awkwardness for Karigan! i love it!

Punctuation!

Good work, I really like your writing style.

Looking good so far!! hope you update soon!!

Wow! Nice Karigan/Alton dialog. I wonder what is Timas thinking?

Not at all. However I would request that if they somehow end up in a crowded room, that Zachery say hello to her first instead of anyone else. I love seeing Timas squirm

Please update! I hope we'd see some Karigan/other Riders scense, not only Karigan/Zachary and Karigan/Mapstone.

plz update soon!!

I like where this is going...

:)

Keep going!

Zachary or one of the weapons should be the first to run into Karigan.
great so far! a few typos here and there, but otherwise perfectly clear and interesting. excellent work!