This is very well written, but I can't help feeling that this is a story tag without the rest of the story. I just doesn't feel 'complete'.

Beth

God, utterly chilling. For some reason this had a kind of first or second season feel to it. Leaves one with a sense of despair and helplessness. If Don is down, what can Charlie do to save them?

Though I'm sure it wasn't meant that way it would make a great first chapter to a longer chapter story on how they got there. But I kind of like the way your stories are open ended and leave one asking questions...

good...so far, you got me hooked
is this just the prologue?

okay, so not fair doing a story like that and not continuing.
that would be a PERFECT first chapter hook, you got me!

Awesome. Works great as a standalone.

I liked that little scene. The lack of context added to the uneven feeling. Good work!

Wow! This is very powerful. You should definitely extend it to a whole story, like this be the prologue. I would love to see more with this. PLEASE. Great piece. ADD MORE!