| Reviews for Don't Call Her A Girl! Part 2 |
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NadiraAllyna 9/14/12 . chapter 1Please update more! :) |
Nasreen101 8/26/12 . chapter 6 continue it :) it's good and funny lol |
10pandasrule10 8/10/12 . chapter 6How old is colt exactly? |
crazyninjafan 8/8/12 . chapter 6 Keep writing! I'm hooked. |
Elm Treigh 7/25/12 . chapter 6Chapter 5 is a repeat of chapter 4. |
finchelfanatic4ever 2/1/11 . chapter 1can you make colt and sarah come out with thier relsionship and have sarah and the girls show off their fighting skills infront of the guys? other than that its a great story |
JetxChez 4/21/09 . chapter 2OMG! This is getting so good! I like how deep this story is getting... |
3ninjafan 4/21/09 . chapter 2Hey again it's me. Still reading your story and still loving it. This chapter takes me back to my first review of your story. I mentioned that your character Jade before was a "Mary Sue". As I read further in the beginning of this chapter, I began to think Jade was a definite Mary Sue, but after that short scene with Brooke in the kitchen, I began to see why. (I'm not spoiling it for other readers. lol). Congratulations. You have slowly began the proces of turning Jade into 3 an actual dimentional character in your story, rather than her being like, "I'm beautiful, popular, smart, rich, and very active. I'm perfect!" So Kudos to you. My advice for the next chapter is to go deeper. Maybe sometime in the story show the stress or worry that Jade could be "hiding" ;-). You're on the right track, so please keep it up. BTW what were Colt and Sarah about to do anyway? Probably something silly. LOL. Update soon! 3ninjafan |
3ninjafan 4/16/09 . chapter 1Hello there. Let me start off by saying that I'm glad that I'm reading your story. It's good to see that there are some writers out there that still do Three Ninja fanfictions, and I know that helpful and positive reviews inspire a writer for further chapter updates, so I'll give my review. I've read part one of this story and I like the plot so far. Characterization seems pretty much on point. I can actually see Colt and Rocky acting the way they do in your story. I will say you need a bit more description in your story. That doesn't mean you don't do it because in some places you do some very strong description in things like areas, clothing, looks, etc. Your original characters. Usually as a fanfiction writer, we let our imaginations just leap out onto the paper when it comes to our favorite movies and so forth. When we create original characters, we want to make it so that they enhance the story while keeping the original theme we all know. My main concern with this is your characterization of Jade. I hate saying this, but Jade seems to me like a Mary-Sue character (You know. A perfect character that can do no wrong? Popular, beautiful, always nice, etc?). She doesn't have to be a Mary-Sue though. I want to give you a tip to help keep that from happening. Further along down in the story you can try and expose a flaw in Jade or her personality. Example: Maybe one day she loses her temper with Rocky and gets in an argument. Or she at one point will have low self-esteem or become depressed. Or maybe have her undergo a trial of some sort that if she makes it out, she becomes stronger. Stuff like that. Overall I'm loving this story. We all need to improve in one area or another and I hope that I haven't come across as a 'Know it all' cause let me say that I've only written 4 Three Ninja stories and they aren't exactly gold either lol. Keep up the great work, and I hope to read more from you. Best Regards, 3ninjafan |