OMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMDOMD!

They're not going to be happy... why? why?!

Wow, you can sustain a plot! i have to tell you, when i read the summary, i was interested, but... disinclined to read it. But you really threw me, actually. Firstly, killing of the protagonist in the prologue, okay, I never saw that coming. Secondly, Ahosta? i mean, i knew Zahara wouldn't live happily ever after, the best characters never do, but i thought... i thought that she'd get home.

Good job, you got me sad, and anxious to know the rest, these are two keys things i look for in identifying a good story worth reading. It is one of those one's which are worth reading.

PLEASE tell me the story doesn't end like this... Please tell me she doesn't die... PLEASE TELL ME YOU'LL UPDATE VE-HE-HERY SOON!

Many thanks for a good read,

FLF

ps. this one is an actual review, you can overlook the first all you like.

My he's ballsy ent he?

Well, i didn't expect it so quickly but i am thoroughly enjoying reading this story. here's a question though, WHY ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ZAHARA? WE LOVE ZAHARA!

btw, this is a random drabbly kind of spur of the moment review. Pay very little attention to it.

Great chapter, Irish! It was so heartwrenchingly wonderful. I felt that your description of Zahara's utter despair was excellent and controlled, making the reader very aware of exactly how much pain she is in without going overboard. This chapter definitely didn't have the outcome I expected though, so there's still a lot of mystery and suspense to look forward to. I can't wait to see what happens next!!

“I’m sorry, daughter. I should not have spoken his name. The pain will go away soon, though, I promise.” Ahoshta awkwardly patted her back.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This was a hot chapter! I was blushing all through work and had to take it chunks at a time. But it wasn't smutty at all--it was hot and meaningful. I'll have to come back and read it again later.

Great job!

Thank you for the update! I can't wait until it is on Revolution Radio, I love the chapters on there and I hope you write more soon. This was very sad, but worth it. x

*Emits high pitched distressed noise* But... but... BUT!

But, she was supposed to go with him! he was supposed to be happy! SHE was supposed to be happy!

this is utterly TRAGIC! I dont know that i've ever read anything more tragic! they were perfect, and the plan was perfect and ayden was gonna grow up as a happy, loved prince, and it was all gonna be PERFECT! adn now everything's in ruins!!

I'm really quite upset over here. i actually cried. this is so incredibly tragic i cant even begin to describe it. it's totally awesome. you're amazing. and i'm mad at you.

i'm seriously broken hearted here. i wasnt even this distressed reading HKDS! and THAT was TRAGIC!

Poor EDMUND!! Girlie, you better get the next chapter up quick smart, because i NEED to know what happens next!! i mean - i knew this story was gonna have some tragic moments in it (prologue, anyone?) but i didnt expect it to be now!! i thought they'd get some time together first - PROPERLY together! like, married and everything!

i truely have no idea where this is going next. they've simply got toget back together. i just dont know how its going to happen.

update! i've never been this eager for an update before in my LIFE!

Bundi

*bursts into tears* That was so SAD! I was kind of expecting it, but still... I like how you subtly brought Mahtab and Zahara back together as a united front, though. The way you've created such a clear picture of Calormene affection and its differences from what we'd consider affection to be is absolutely wonderful, too. Lovely job, as always!

Irish, you just BROKE my heart. This was awful! I can't *believe* she didn't go with him. How long are they going to be apart? How will Zahara cope? And most importantly, *how could you do this to us?!*

Okay, deep breaths. But it's just so tragic! I expect this kind of thing from Tasty, but I was totally not prepared here. At least no one is dead. (. . right?!)

That parting was just so amazing, so heart-wrenching. I love it when Edmund cries! For a legitimate reason, that is, and it was absolutely warranted here. When he cries into her chest and then masters himself into a king again, I was dying. So, so fabulous! Such beautiful, desperate connection! "She wasn’t thinking, for now, about having to say goodbye, only about making love to this man she’d fallen in love with so quickly and completely." -Such a wonderful line! OMG! And I loved the description of Edmund's eyes as "black and wild". This whole scene was throbbing with a myriad of emotions and it just sweeps the reader away. It's so horribly unfair that it's practically Greek! I keep thinking of that amazing line from last chapter - about tasting free Narnia air on Edmund's lips - and I get angry and sad all over again. What on earth with Zahara do now?!

"Zahara stood frozen, staring at the spot where she had last seen him for what seemed like days. She never heard him leave the house, but she knew he was gone. There was no air left, there was no light left, there was no hope left…at least not for tonight. Tomorrow she would pull herself together…For tonight, though, she didn’t want to think." -Absolutely incredible. That poor woman! I can just image her pulling those mourning robes tight around her body, like a security blanket - I feel like she'll never want to take them off again, because Edmund became such a part of her true self.

And the way Edmund was ready to charge into Calormen with an army! Oh, he is so perfect! I cannot WAIT to see where you take this. Does this mean that Edmund will be sneaking around trying to save Zahara when he takes Susan to visit Rabadash in Tashbaan? I'm dying! Please, please hurry with the updates!

(P.S. I really hope the next chapter is from Ed's point of view.)

This chapter was great Irish! (though I don't condone the affairs, it was still great) Sorry I was kinda snappish in my last review. I LOVE you story and can't wait for the next update!

Aslan's Blessings,
Fierce

Very nice, Irish - you already knew I love this chapter, but figured I should drop a line anyway :)

Kudos on cleaning up that scene for this version - it still reads very smoothly and passionately, so I don't think it lost anything in the changing. *applause for Irish*

In other points - I love the dynamic between Ahoshta and Zahara. His obvious love for her juxtaposed against the rather sexist conventions of Calormen creates a lovely bit of worldbuilding. I very much appreciate that you don't present the Calormene culture as one-sided and transparently WRONG, as so many stories do. There are issues clearly, and Narnia is still the more attractive country, especially for women, but your Calormen is not evil, and I love that.

SO glad that Mahtab didn't actually betray Zahara - and I love the point about Zahara's innocent education of Mahtab in reading/writing coming back to bite her later. You have so much subtle, haunting reflections on the whole slavery dynamic in this story, and it adds so much.

I can't wait for the next part of the story!! What will happen to Edmund (presumably he gets back to Narnia in short order, but will he be able to contact Zahara? will he try to, even though she asks him not to?)? Is Zahara preggers (I don't think so, yet, based on the prologue)? Will Ahoshta find out she broke the mourning customs? When will Edmund return? So much good stuff to look forward to!

Well, you already know my thoughts on the WAIT JUST A MINUTE??!! HE LEAVES? WITHOUT HER? What the?!
Alright. I'm fine now. Truly.

The despair and desperation between the two of them is captured very well here -- gosh how contradictory is that. This is intense and painful and Zahara is so brave and so miserable and we feel so much for her grief and lost opportunity. There was a certain wild, youthful, "let's run away" aspect to it all and now the bitter reality comes crashing in. It was too good to last and this simply won't end well. No, I've not forgotten that grim prologue. The lines about the fires of Narnia were especially moving, as was the writing describing how bereft she felt at his departure.

I do like the portrayal of her father here -- he is loving, in a sort of strange and distant way and the gulf between them is so enormous, and will only widen. The guilt of Mahtab is also well done -- and how her father was able to manipulate the innocent play of girls into something that now has wrecked what Zahara so very much wanted.

Phew. Congrats on completing Part 1 and congrats on your nominations.

What?... Okay out of all the things I thought of, her not leaving wasn't one of them. Poor Zahara! Your wrote her emotions so clearly, and they were very realistic! Nice chapter and update soon! =)

What a place to stop the story!
I love how you built up excitement and tention throughout this chapter, and how Zahara is trying to protect her servants and still make her escape with Edmund.
This is only a guess, but perhaps her father is coming to take away her son, so that he can raise the boy according to Calormene custom?
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Awesome work.

Alright, all caught up. From now on I should be able to post a review immediately after I listen to any new chappie posted on RevRadio. Are you posting at the same time, btw?

This chapter was sad, with the whole Mahtab thing. I felt torn by it, because I was totally with Zahara, thinking they'd want to come join her Narnia and no longer be slaves... but then I completely see Mahtab's POV too. I hope good things happen for them with the money Zahara's going to leave - maybe they could still come to Narnia after all and slowly become friends?

Also - HER DAD! Oh crap. What the heck is going to happen next? *is nervous* Update soon!

~Red

Congrats on the nom! :D This story defs deserves not only a nom but a win IMO.

Love Ed and Zahara's togetherness. This whole chapter was warm and yummy. Great job!

~Red