I'm not the biggest fan. The story's tenses are mixed up (past and present participle confusion) and it is written although it is a huge rush. Go back over it, read it aloud. If you're using 1st Person use it to your advantage; describe the smell of the air, the filth on the floor. Don't just shoot the guards and hide the bodies, tell the reader where Sam shot them.. describe the process of dragging them, their weight. Where did you put the bodies? You do that and fix the tenses and you've got something worth a read.

Hey Pat,

I wanted to tell you that the first chapter of you story is AWESOME! No joke. Like in class, it's great.

Keep going!

-Cerena