|Reviews for Passion|
| PaintedNutmeg 6/10/09 . chapter 1
there should be a comma after 'rang loudly, hitting six-thirty'.
What book was she reading?
It should be 'my family was made up of'.
Each time someone speaks there should be a new line and a comma after the last word they speak.
The sentence 'we had freshly printed pieces of paper which, sadly, was homework' should read that way. You say they're in last homework and then go on to talk about the homework, then P.E.
Is their last period P.E.? That's my assumption but it's a little unclear.
The line 'we had freshly printed pieces of paper which, sadly, was homework' is a bit vague. What sort of homework, from which classes?
Who's Marsha? Is she one of the judges?
There aren't many descriptive details. How tall are the characters? What do they look like? And so forth.
Although this needs work, I like it. Keep going.