You got recced to me, and I'm really glad you did. The introspection here is harsh, but right on the spot, esp regarding Sam becoming John just as Dean is starting to escape his shadow. Beautifully constructed.

Wow, this was tough to read, because it captures exactly the deep dark hole that both the boys were in. You saw it even then, when I wouldn't have expected it- the point where Dean would say in a later episode "At least he dies human."

This is an amazing coda. Dark and gritty and no pink band aids in sight. I love how you let all the darkness stand and don't attempt to fix them. it's where the boys are and its frightening and heartbreaking.

I know there are some who will have problems with Dean having the thought of letting Sam die cross his mind. But its realistic and sort of reminds me of that one episode of Buffy when she goes catatonic and Willow discovers its because Buffy felt guilty for even having that thought for a fraction of a second. Wasn't the best episode but the thought, the feeling is so grounded in reality. To be free of the responsibility, the pain after a lifetime of responsibility and pain. I do think and beleive it would be a thought Dean would have - for a fraction of a second - band then carry on.

And Sam. I loved how another review said it. 'Sam's looking for a sword to throw himself on.'

Beautiful, heart wrenching job, Faye. Thank you.

amy

Wow that was great. This season has been so painful for the brothers. I agree that neither of them are right or wrong however I do have a side...(don't we all). I liked the two POV that you presented. It's just so hard to have Dean alone, Sam alone and no Dean and Sam. I miss that.
Thanks for the great read.

So sad, but so well done.

I think you were very fair here. We had the situation from both POVs and they both had valid reasons for their thoughts. This season is breaking my heart and I can only pray they 'wake up' for next season.

Very plausible and about right for Sam with his injuries. Glad Dean patched him up and really wasn't able to let his little brother die like that.

Great work!

Wow is the first word that came to my mind when i read this. I thought i was just reading another hurt/comfort the way i like it...more hurt less comfort. As i got into the story it really made me want to cry. I've been looking for a story to acurately do the Winchester brothers justice and i havent found it. They've all been too harsh or not harsh enough, too forgiving in a way. But this story hit it right on the nose for me...these boys are going through terrible times and it shows in your story...thnks for putting your great story out.

Although that was a very bleak fic, I think it really reflects the state of the boys’ psyches at this point in the show. I honestly don’t think Sam could have committed suicide while Dean was in Hell – knowing Dean had given his life and his soul to save him, Sam would never throw that away – which was I think why he was hoping some monster or spirit or demon would do it for him.

Now Dean’s back, however, that doesn’t apply, and I think you’ve got Sam’s motivation spot on when he thinks sacrificing himself to stop the Apocalypse and save all that’s left of his family – namely Dean – is the Winchester way. Because it IS. It’s TOTALLY the Winchester way. And no matter how much Sam would have liked to deny it in the past, he’s a Winchester through and through. (Although I’m still thinking Sam killing Lilith is going to be the final Seal that releases Lucifer from Hell, so maybe he won’t actually be saving the world... Poor Sam and his best intentions.)

I really liked how you showed the boys’ positions on family and duty having reversed over the course of four years. I think Sam is right when he sees himself as “the eternal millstone around Dean’s neck,” and you rightly show how this is wearing Dean down, how the eternal duty of protecting Sam is becoming too much for him. Sam has to see how if it hadn’t been for him (in his mind anyway) Dean could have had a normal life. Which is why the parallels with Adam are so interesting, because had John, realising it was Sam the thing that killed Mary was really after, left Dean somewhere to have his normal life and just taken Sam on the road, Dean would have no doubt ended up like Adam – unaware, unprotected, and eventually dead. So Sam may feel like a millstone, but really he’s the only thing that’s kept Dean alive for thirty years. Although I doubt Sam would ever see it that way.

I also liked how you showed Sam’s justification for what he was doing – demon blood, Ruby, lying to Dean – as a way to exert some control over his life, as this is something he has never really had. Even when he thought he had control – when he went away to Stanford – it was all an illusion. He was doomed ten years before he was born, after all. “He just wanted to have a say in his own destiny, even if that meant his death, and he just wanted to use his life to help make other people’s better. To help Dean.” Just so. And that’s what I find so clever about the way Kripke and co have written Sam’s “Fall” – he’s not doing it for glory or power, he’s doing it to save his family and, ultimately to save the world, making him just as much of a “righteous man” as Dean.

I thought this was a really telling insight too, and something Sam probably can’t see, “And that was it, wasn’t it? Sam had become the epitome of what he’d rallied against so hard as a kid. He’d become all the things he’d resented growing up. And just when Dean thought he might escape from his father’s screwed up presence in his own life, Sam grew up and was trying to take it over.” I loved the way you contrasted this – Dean’s losing control to Sam, who is slowly taking on John’s authoritarian role in Dean’s life – with Sam’s rumination on “Dean’s unending big brother superiority complex and his unwavering presence.” While in actuality Dean’s feeling completely the opposite – inferior to Sam in every way. Dean’s always felt like that. “Sam? He’s clearly John’s favorite...” That’s why Dean has always valued Sam’s life over his own – because he sees it as more important. Unsurprising considering he’s had it drilled into him since he was four years old that his most important role in life is to “protect Sammy”.

I also liked this insight too, “They were the only way Dean knew how to talk to him at all, most of the time. Only now there was nothing behind the words except distrust and wariness,” especially in light of the way Dean flinched when Sam held out his hand to exorcize the demon in Jimmy’s wife in The Rapture, and Dean clearly thought Sam was aiming at HIM.

Although I’m not sure about this part, “He had to save Sam’s life, because if Sam died, this time Dean wouldn’t bring him back. It was a sobering thought, if one he couldn’t regret,” because I don’t think Dean will ever come to a point when he won’t want to try and save Sam, even if Sam goes all yellow eyed and demonic, I do think you’re spot on with this section, “How love could get so mixed with hate. How love could get so twisted, could go so wrong, until family was nothing more than a burden that could never be escaped. No deal could get rid of it. No time in Hell could tear it out.” The boys’ feelings towards each other are clearly very confused and at a low ebb right now. While I don’t think Dean could ever bring himself to hate Sam or vice versa, they’re obviously completely unsure how they feel about each other now, whether they’re just staying together out of habit or some sense of loyalty, or whether there is still, at the end, some love there that just won’t allow them to abandon each other. I’m hoping for the latter.

Thought provoking, and a pretty accurate representation of what’s going on in the show right now. You did a really good job getting inside both Sam and Dean’s heads. (And I’m not sure either place is a nice place to be right now...)

I think this accurately reflects both Dean's and Sam's thoughts. Dean might love Sam but his little brother is an olbigation and has always been one. Sam is so suicidal right now, it's a wonder he's still alive.

It's really too bad the writers decided to take this route for so long...I get the sense that most of fandom would like to see the brothers reunite.

This season is truly sad, and the fact that Sam's two choices - revenge or death - are completely ruling his life. It was actually nice to see Sam have someone to confide in - in Adam. He seemed truly happy to be able to protect and care for someone - channeling EARLY Dean - and it was something he so needed.

Much beautiful introspection from both characters here - as always!

:D

Gah! This episode tag is so heartbreaking and depressing and bleak and freaking PERFECT. You've really delved deep into both of the boys' psyches in a way that is painfully faithful to the direction this season has been heading. I wish it weren't so... I really do. But with everything that has been happening between the brothers in recent episodes, I can absolutely see both of their inner monologues sounding just like this.

Hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel we've been heading down this season. I eagerly await the day that Sam and Dean will be able to recapture the wonderful bond they used to have, but until then this story really drives home just how far apart they've been driven, even as they're continually compelled to care for and protect one another. At least we still have that. Sheesh, again, very good job with this tag!

This is very nicely done. Sam's wounds were way too deep to just put a little pressure on and everything would be fine. I like your look into both of the boy's heads. They are both in a very bad spot right now. I don't believe that Dean would ever let Sam die on purpose but I can see how that thought might go through his head just for a minute. He's so angry at Sam and so tired of everything. If Sam died, I'm sure Dean would follow after him, one way or the other. And I certainly believe that Sam is doing all of this out of his love for his brother (even though I think he likes the power it gives him too) and that he doesn't intend to survive his encounter with Lilith (as was indicated in I Know What You Did Last Summer).

I'm so worried about my boys! Keep up the great work!

As usual, a well-written and powerful story that still has me thinking about it almost a day later. I wanted to give some thought to my review because as wonderful as your story was, it was so painful to read, I think mainly because I am in a state of denial that Sam and Dean's relationship is really in this bad of shape. That said, I think your portrayal is pretty close to the truth and shows great insight.

The boys are both in a great deal of pain, each for their own reasons and as a result are no longer the Winchester team. As a fan, I am mourning the loss of SAMandDEAN as I knew and loved them and am more than a little resentful to Kripke for going down this road. My hope is that he will show some mercy and give the boys an opportunity to heal and come back together. If not, there is always fanfiction. :)

Thank you for sharing this. I look forward to your next story.

P.S. I know you expected to take some heat from this piece and I can see you are not being disappointed. Don't let it get you down. I have no doubt in the fact that your portrayal will soon be supported by canon.

That was harsh. I can't agree with your take on the episode. I don't think Dean would ever consider just letting Sam die, it's just not what I believe would be in character for him. I do agree that he might be realizing an error of judgement on the deal based on how he out right rejected any idea of trying to bring Adam back, but I think that would be more because of how it damaged Sam than him regretting having Sam with him, damaged or not.

But that is all just matter of opinion, just like the way a character is written is open for interpretation by the author. Your story made me care and bothered me only because it was well written. And that is exactly the job of a good writer. Well done!

Hey! I'm not one to bash anyone's write seeing as i couldn't write a proper grocery list and this isn't really a bash anyway. I love love love your writing, regardless if i share the same opinions with you or not doesn't change the fact that your talented.That being said maybe (and this is only a idea, nothing more)in the future when you write one-sided could you possibly put a warning in the summary. This doesn't mean i hated the story, i loved how well you write the guys, it's just that my opinions on Dean and Sam are completely opposite then yours and by the time i came to the end of the story, i was almost left gasping for air. Now i can only hope i'm not gonna get sh*t on for leaving this type of review seeing as everyone else left praise but again this isn't a bash, just ya know..a head up in the future kinda thing.
Again, don't think i'm being nasty, that's not my intention. I love your writing but unless the catagory says Tragedy, i hate feeling so heart heavy.
Keep up the great work though, your a wonderful writer.
~ Here ends my silly little rant~