Man I just know I'm gonna love this more and more when I read it.

C.D.

Wow awsome.

C.D.

I'm loving this right off the bat here.

C.D.

Okay..really nice.. and I want to see what happen to all of them after this...

I love this story continue with the sequels soon. Good job u a good writer

:) I love Bumblebee, I can't wait to read more!! :)

Okay, I'm sorry but I can't even go through half of the first chapter without getting completely confused at what's occurring here!

So...Sari wakes up, yawns and stretches...then "Sari Sumdac rolled on her tire bed. Kept on going until she fell down with a thud. Face first."

First of all, there really isn't a need to use Sari's full name as I'm certain that most people would know who you are talking about as soon as you mention "Sari" with a capital "S".

Second, there's heaps of incorrect use of punctuation in this sentence, full stops, periods or even dots (Or whatever else you want to call them) are supposed to be used to end a subject or sentence, for example:

Something like "Hi. How. Is. It. Going?." Would be entirely incorrect...

However something more like "Hi, how's it going?" Would be better, but it is acceptable if you are using full stops to make sentences blocky of purpose (If a character is getting distracted, or is confused about what to say and etc.

So what you want your sentence to be is something along the lines of "Sari awoke yawning whilst stretching, she rolled over on her bed but rolled too far and ended up falling off the side and landing face first onto the ground", or something like that.

Just some pointers and et cetera, not trying to be mean or anything, I'm just not wanting some great imagination to be put to waste.

I hope that this review doesn't discourage you in trying to improve on writing or anything, if anything I would love for you to continue and learn from advice that people like me give others.

Well thanks for your time.

~ Chow

Wow! This story is really good! I hope you'll do another chapter! Two thumbs up!

how about both? FLYING NINJA JETS might be a good idea ;D

hey this is good, please update soon have a good vaca and the twins should so be robot ninja's! i just watched all the episodes in three days i almost cried when he went offline :'( also a tip try using less brackets and more discriptive diolouge or discriptive paragraphs, brackets break the flow of the story. from one fellow writer to another flow and a well rounded plot are everything!

Aww, this is really cute so far. I like the start of the storyline.

However, please try to seperate your paragraphs better. Like, every time someone new talks, that should be a new paragraph.

Okay, not bad...
But I'm to put 'My Life Would Suck Without You' in my story 'You Know Sari is my America's Suiteheart'.
I hope if I'm put that song at my story, please don't alert me...

This story is such an interesting...
And you say that BB like Crystal? Okay...
Keep update!

Thank you to update this Chapter I can't wait what happen next!

I Love it update soon plz and keep up!