great story i hope you will continue it soon

Yay an update ;) NO Don't end it here! I need a sequel ;) Unlike Gibbs I do say : Pleasee :) Awesome story

okay, I love the Tiva, but Kibbs is so wrong.
I can't stand that coupling. sorry, but I'm only reading this for the Tiva.

good job on the story. you should do a sequel.

Oh no please please please write a sequel!

What the *? Why would you end it like this? Angst is one thing but stupidity is something else! You can't be a true Tiva fan if you keep writing them acting this stupid.

Omgh, i hope that she is pregnant, and that's what she wanted to tell him but he cut her off,and what if she would get hurt during work(like shoot to stomach) and that would be the way Tony would learn about her pregnancy, maybe the fetus would die and just the doctor would tell Tony about his dead, unborn child, and he would want to sake for forgivness by Ziva, and would want to stand by her side during this hard time.

i love it

Great story but I noticed that when you write "fine" you spell it with an 'f' instead of an 'e'. Just thought I'd let you know, other then that I love it! Can't wait to read more. Please udpate soon.

Hey
so i wanted to tell you that i really like your plotline. Its unique and I actually feel like its really going somewhere.

On the other hand...you could seriously use a beta. There are a lot of typos. The other problem you have a lot is your verb tenses. It looks like you want to write in present tense, which is perfectly fine, but you tend to lapse into past tense every so often. The other thing is that its really hard to write in present tense without making the text sound conversationally awkward. I recently finished writing a oneshot in present tense and I found it frustrating that I had to spend so much time figuring out how to phrase things instead of spending my time telling the story.

I would suggest one of two things. You should go back and rewrite the story in past tense which will probably allow the text to flow smoothly. Or go back and review everything you've written and make sure it flows before posting. It helps to have a beta who knows what they're doing. Even asking a few honest friends to read what you've written before you post it can make a huge difference.

As a side note: you need to figure out the difference between then and than. It seems that you arbitrarily use one or the other and it can be rather confusing at times.

I also am offering to be your beta, if you would like. I'm not perfect, but my grammer is fairly good. Let me know if you want my help.

The last thing I wanted to mention is that you should refrain from taking scenes from the acutal shows. I was just rewatching this exact episode this morning and the fact that you copied it verbatem from the show really takes away from the content. I noticed that you changed a few parts here and there, but most times, when I see a scene where i know exactly what will happen, I have a tendency to scroll down past the scene. This is your world where you recreate the characters and their chemistry. You can move away from the show's portrayal of the characters and tweak them to fit your AU.

Waiting for an update
Draco'z Devil

PS. from my pen name you can obviously tell that I came from the Harry Potter world where people are a lot more liberal with their portrayal of characters and the Harry Potter Universe itself. Don't be scared to venture into new territory.

sorry-when did dinozzo become aware of the "man"-ari? I just went through the story again and i'm a little confused...

I hope Ziva comes back to tony and Kate realizes that gibbs is the one for her, as their chemistry is undeniable..

love the story!!

please post more!

Love the story, keep writing i cant wait to hear what happen with tony and ziva and ari

Wow I really love this story and can't wait for the next chapter!! :D