You know what? On second thought it seems from the reviews that plenty of people like your writing style just fine. Please ignore the previous review,or even better, delete it. I'm not looking for trouble. Sorry to have bothered you.

This is not a flame. It does contain honest critique, however, that I do hope will be constructive. Maybe you've written a lot, but you seem to still make amateurish mistakes. While the original idea behind this story is awesome, (honestly, i would never have thought of it), one thing that you should probably try to fix is your description of clothing. You focus too much on the details, which isnt important to the story as a whole, and simply isnt realistic. Most people barely take notice of their clothing in their daily lives, it's just a fact of life. (this is a common failing in most female fanfic writers,you're not the only one)

Another thing is that while you're trying to write as a character,you should take note of the voice of the character, and try to imagine how the character would speak, based on the character's background. In this case, the character is a young Japanese female. Yourself being an American female, (yes, it is quite obvious from the way you write) you have had a very different cultural background from character, and i suspect you do not understand how OOC your character seems to be. Not that i'm trying be anal, though i probably sound like it, but there are some facts you need note about the cultural background. Japan, as is much of Asia, still, a very male-dominated and traditional society. Females are expected to respect, and for lack of a better term, back down, and give way to males. Young females, in particular, are absolutely Not expected to swear in front of, or be rude in any way at all,to their elders, or superiors (this includes males).

This sounds suffocating,and yes, it is. While the situation Is currently improving (yes, feminism has spread from America), do keep in mind that this manga has a traditional setting, and thus behavior is expected as such. I have read a a few of your fics other than this, and it seems that you have the same tendency to write OCs, in a way that sounds like a self-insertion. I am not saying they are sues, but indeed they seem to reflect your own personality a great deal. Perhaps you might be able to write more realistic and varied characters if you were able to distance yourself from them. This problem is not yours alone, indeed there are many published authors have fallen in the same trap.

I have probably rambled too much, and i hope that i have not discouraged you,it was not my intention. I hope that i have been of help.
Best wishes, Lisa
you can contact me at if you wish to reply.

Lol I love this story it is so great. Taya is very outspoken and her summoning spirit seems like a real fun and protective friend! Please keep updating. Lots if love.

lol i like her, she's funny.

I love your style of writing so much. I've read so many of your stories and I must say you have a wonderful talent! I hope you keep up the good work and I can't wait till you update your other stories =).

Hey!
I'm lovin' this story. Your main character seems very genuine. Plus the interactions between her and Neji are pretty hilarious. Please, please, please, keep writing this story. I want to know if she ever ends up becoming a strong fighter, and what the clan really want her for :)

With Love,
Death's apostle

Is that... Care and concern I see from the infamously cold Hyuuga? Why, I believe it is.

I like how this fanfiction is going, I like it a lot. You're not making her look like some Mary Sue, which is a good thing. Perfection is such a boring and unbelieveable thing.

I'd love to see some fillers, though. You know, the showing of how Neji and Taya's relationship grows and blossoms. I doubt romance could happen with just training, don't you? May I suggest a day out, just between them? Bonding, knowing more about one another (and maybe some weasel comic relief here and there).


Either way, keep up the great work, and I'll be waiting eagerly for the next chapter. It's rare to find an interesting OC/Neji fanfiction nowadays.


(P.S: This actually reminds me of another Neji/OC fanfiction I've read. It's incomplete, and has been on hiatus for a while. Both lead OC females have the ability to summon weasels... Heh. Though I assure you, both are very different in plot and character designs, so don't worry if you think you're being unoriginal. You're not.)

This story is really good please update soon.

I love it! Update soon please

Oi, I thought this was supposed to be a background story? You seem to be updating thid at an alarmingly quicker rate than your foreground stories... But I guess I can't complain or judge :P As long as your posting stuff, I'm happy!

Lol, Lee and Taya were so funny. Ergh, I can't even imagine a weasle tail in my mouth >.< Ferrets are smelly and gross enough! I'm surprised Neji didn't break Uhra's neck T_T

Anyways, the typical great job/update soon comments, blahblahblah. I'm not feeling very creative and articulate today to leave an interested review :\

taya makes me laugh!
so does 'the damn weasel', as neji puts it.
LOL! update soon.
what is taya's elements, by the way?
i wanna see!
luv the story so far.

^-^ Not too much to say in particular about this one, other than another job well done! He-he, since you mentioned her learning taijutsu towards the end there, does that mean we'll be seeing a little Guy or Lee action coming up? I think I might explode just thinking about all of the hilarious possibilities with that pair and Taya...

Wow. This review is unbelievably late, I know, but I just decided to revisit your homepage and check out all the updates I've been missing out on xD Expect a truckload of rambles from me in your inbox!
Anyway, again, great job! I don't think you told me this was going to be a Neji story, but I glad - I love him and his long, girly hair :] Taya's funny and I can tell she and Neji are going to have a fun time getting closer ;D

Very interesting. I'm going to definately alert this so I get it on my blackberry the second you update! I love Neji/OC stories and your oc seems to have some personality, your story originality so of course I'm interested!