o.o note to self, don't mess with the strongman from the circus..

hah, it's good, thanks for puttin it up

what a twist o_O lol, i like it :P thanks for puttin these up

saw in your profile you were lookin for a beta? if i qualify for that thingy, i'd give it a shot for ya

Aw... :( Sudden change of mood at the end there. Made me sad... I really didn't expect the little Caelin/Kadar twist in there. Really makes sense why she hates Alty so much.

Still. Another nice chapter. <3 Write more soon, plz.

BEAUTIFUL!! The last line made me laugh. There are very few authors who have the power of such slight and almost indiscernible humor to keep me giggling throughout a chapter, but yours is masterful. :) So many scenes between Altair and Rais are absolutely tickling!! I would recommend a Beta, Moi, or Kitsune to proofread you though... I noticed quite a few slight grammar and spelling mistakes about, one of the most noticeable being when you used "assassin's" possessive when "assassins" plural is the appropriate form... your story line is WONDERFUL though. More people should really read this. :3

Darlin', this chapter was wonderful. xD "I've heard women cut years of your life span" was totally my favorite line. I'll read more as soon as I get the chance. :) And hey, you know I'm around to edit every weekend. If you'd like to email me your finished chapters in Word, I'll edit in red and give suggestions if you'd like. :D If not, I do believe you're doing wonderfully on your own. :3 I can't wait to see some of the later chapters come to fruition.

Now I'm excited! Bethlehem or Bust!

Nice plot twist work, there. You seem to have a lot of spelling mistakes in these chapter... May I suggest a beta?

excellent chapter!

keep up the good work!

XD Epic win.

First off, you did your research. Especially in fandoms like this, it makes fanfiction that much more enjoyable knowing that the writer actually knows something about the subject. Also, it's fun, isn't it? :P
(Probably wrong, but I think the burau leader's name is Raffik)

Next, the diologue is well done, and everything is nicely written. The two OCs are just fine, and the way you wrote Malik and Altair was awesome.

And it really made me laugh!

Great job!