|Reviews for Gina's Quarters|
| A.I 5/2/12 . chapter 1
oh my god...what is this!
This is absolutely racist and annoying,plus the grammar is is the most horrible fanfic I have ever could have written this in a million different ways.
Delete it and do the world a favor
| SheWhoIsPowerful 3/20/11 . chapter 1
wait! I'm lost wich book is this from? I've read. Goddess of the Rose, Goddess of the Sea, Goddess of love, Goddess of Spring, Goddess of Light, Worrior Rising, And Goddess of Legend. Am i forgeting something or is there a book that i missed?
| TerrysChocolateOrange 10/17/10 . chapter 1
OMG that was, like, so amazing, but it would be even better with twilight characters! *daydreams about Edward's golden eyes* *sigh* he's so hot, I wish he was real, and don't you just LOVE Robert Pattinson? By the way, there should SO be a twilight team! I'm totally Team Edward :)
Have a nice day!
| The Brand 3/23/10 . chapter 1
I like it, it has a hopeful tone about it. Definitely a love story, very compelling. Good work. I would say that it could use a little work in the grammar, and some more details, but it is a good story overall. Thank you.
| Ne'ith5 5/25/09 . chapter 1
I’ve never read the book your story is based on so I’m not sure what is actually going on, as there is no explanation or brief over view provided. Though I did find a few problems in the narrative, nevertheless it was interesting. First I don’t know anyone that describes their racial affiliation while thinking, about how lovely they found someone. Gina appears to be disgusted with her color and envious of Indians.
It is possible to admire someone’s culture without disparaging your own. Without meaning to you have not exactly given a tribute to Goddess Summoning, as provided a reason for some to feel uncomfortable with the story and move on without reviewing. For instance you said:
Gina Chirped I love Bolywood, I think Indian women are the most beautiful; I wish I was an Indian women; they are so beautiful the bindi the saree, wow! What is the name of that bolywood star,... Shahrukh khan? He’s so handsome – I have seen his movies too.
I like the Indian culture she quipped, there is a lot of respect in the culture and she folded her hands in a Namaste. Pramod was stunned; he was impressed with her enthusiasm on bolywood, Indian culture and Indians in general.
She explained vividly to Pramod that once she wore the saree. Pramod let his imagination loose and thought of a black carribean women in a saree and a bindi, wow! That’s a stunner. Gina was a black Carribean woman originally from east Africa Ghana and Pramod an Indian.
With this she started undressing and gave pramod a view of her well toned beautiful black body. He was so impressed with her black body when she told him no sex, I respect Indian men. Pramod was taken aback not that he was in the mood for sex, but being an Indian had taught him to get the best bargain. He said in that case dear Gina, its only 70$ only 50$.
Pramod asked her if she was married.
You could have said:
“Gina smiled and chirped “I love Bollywood, I think Indian women are so beautiful; I wish I could be as graceful, the bindi the sari’s, wow! Now what is the name of that handsome Bollywood star... Shahrukh khan! I have seen all of his movies. I like the Indian culture too.” She folded her hands in a Namaste.
Pramod was stunned; he was impressed with her knowledge of Indian culture and her enthusiasm for Bollywood.”
“I wore a Sari once,” Gina continued.
Pramod’s imagination led him to fantasize about how lovely Gina must have looked. Her beautiful figure wrapped in the vivid colors of the Sari the glow of her dark skin. And the bindi between her magnetic eyes… Wow! Parmod was shocked by his fantasy, Gina wasn’t an Indian woman she originally came from Ghana, in East Africa and Pramod an Indian.
With this she started undressing and gave Pramod a view of her well-toned, beautiful black body. When she caught him looking at her with she smiled again and told him gently she wasn’t looking for a lover. He said Impressed Pramod, asked Gina if she was married.
You don’t of course have to use how I wrote it, using your voice in writing is important. The primary difference in what I wrote vis a ve, what you wrote is: There is no unintentional offensive given.
The reader is not left with the idea that Gina is a prostitute with a poor self- image that’s desperate to be something that she is not. That she respects Indian men but not those within her own race. The way you have portrayed Gina, she isn’t very likable and nor is Pramod.
Though with a little reworking I am sure this little vignette would be a real stunner, I do hope you plan to write more for this story. I’d really like to know what happens next!
One final question, what's $70.00?
I hope you take the criticism I gave in the spirit I submitted it I mean no offense, only help.