Hi, this was absolutely amazing! You captured the characters just right. I particularly like how you portrayed Jack. Just one little thing; they mauled Simon to death before he could tell them his theory that 'we are the beast'. I don't expect you to change it, and besides it adds to Simon's character in the piece. Just thought I'd let you know. Good job.=)

well done!! i really like it!

Deep. I really liked the descriptive language. A few errors, but if you reread, you can sort those out nicely! I wondered what would happen after they got rescued-- this was kinda what I had in mind. 'Kay. I'll stop wasting your time now. xD

Funny thing is we just finished this book in class. I liked this, Just one little thing thats been bothering me. IF they were on a ship...and they got to wherever they are going how did jack go back to the island? It's not like a person would give him a ride back to the island right? I liked how u characterized Jack in this though.

Nicely written. Are you going to continue writing this story? or is it a oneshot? 'Cause I'd like to see more.

Well, it was pretty good.
one thing tho (you dont have to listen to me if you dont want too) from the impression i got from the book, it was Ralph who wanted to be friends (or more than friends) with Jack, not vice versa. then again, i could see how it did work in the end.

the end wasnt wonderful, but then again, i cant come up with a better ending myself.

it was quite a good read!

Good start so far, I have been looking for good stories for The Lord Of The Flies ever since I read it last year and I'm so happy that you started this! Can't wait for more ;)

I liked the hint of Jack/Ralph - I don't know why but when I was reading the Lord of the Flies, I saw that potential in them, but no one else seemed to see it! (and I'm too afraid to try writing one myself, haha)
I'm so glad you included it. I dunno, but it made everything make a weird kind of sense, and Ralph's speech/soliloquy/thing was touching because it seems so serious and seems to fit him.
If that was part of the actual book, I'm sure everyone would have gotten the closure they needed for that book, haha...

But I had one thing I wanted to get cleared - how did Jack stay behind? I mean, weren't they all on the ship already, or did he just stay behind at the island? (and how would Ralph plan to find that island again?)

Oh, the lack of spell check wasn't terribly bad - just reading casually through, I didn't catch any weird spelling errors, although the very end with "skeward" it's supposed to be spelled "skewered". But that's all I really caught on my first read through.
You did a great job, dear.