This chapter is supposed to convey emotions, correct? It didnt; everything that goes on is explained too well; it's better to let the audience think or hypothesize; it also feeds the "Emotions" department. Like I repeat; interesting story but it isn't fit for a prose.
You're improving though (:

Spelling/grammar in check.
Good attempt at intensity but I'm still not getting anything.
Way too redundant. How many times did you intend to use the word "slightly"?
Also, VERY OOC on both parts.
Like I said before, interesting plot but the prose writing style ruins it.
The kiss thing came on way too strong way too early. Youre lacking any real depth for the plot here.

so you are the one with the youtube videos ;)
i loved them and i love your story

LOl Dead Carly.

To be honest I don't think this is your best.

No intensity, such a rushed flow, it's like you just stacked a few sentences together without any qualms about how it would turn out. Switching scenes; I would NOT recommend it for this fic. This is the type that makes the reader "live in the moment", feel emotions of characters. But although the plot calls for it, the prose writing style ruins it.

Make Mikage chosoe what she wants! Jack needs to get with Mikage! Great chap though!

Keep writing!

Good fanfiction. Continue.

Touche, that's all I can say. (Pun unintended)

How come in every fanifc I read, Yusei is the pushy one?

This is pretty good. Keep writing and don't give up.

Check out my story sometime.

Spelling and grammar are in check and the flow was good.

But. (I know right here comes Simon Cowell)

Quite OOC on both Yusei and Aki, and although I saw your effort in building up intensity, it failed to reach my heart. I felt a tinge, but the paragraph ended so it died. Elaboration on that area will help; you write their actions well, but focus more on the emotions the characters feel.

Wow, nice chapter...I like it..but I didn't really get it, like who's Mikage is marrying...so...

But the rest was awesome!

Again, please update!

Grammar, spelling, etc etc are in check.

But one very important complaint; Prologues should make an impact. You weren't able to build up the intensity :/

I might and probably would be stupid for asking this, but who is this Ayumi and what does she have to do with this story? Please don't sue for this comment. Please tell me if you want me to remove it.