Morphinomenal chapter!

I'm liking Serean quite a bit as a villain. She's actually credible and dangerous, using Skull and Jason's emotions to turn them into her servants. This battle is taking place on a completely different level than the purely physical one we're so used to seeing with the Rangers.

Her reaction to seeing the world as it is today made for a very interesting scene, especially when you used concepts she's used to in order to describe modern realities.

Also, her 'seduction' of Jason, if you will. That was exceptionally played by her (and obviously you, by extension).

The chaos at the Command Center, very cool scene, especially when it all degenerated. It's a darker look at the Rangers, especially with Tommy's feelings towards Jason, but it's a great take on the characters at the same time.

Hopefully, we'll get more? Between this and 'A Brighter Morning', you definitely have two incredible stories which are very different in tone but equally enjoyable, addictive, and amazingly written...

Thanks!

David

Okay, I hurried through from chapter 3 to chapter 4, so I couldn't do the review-a-chapter like I thought I would.

Very nice. I thought you made Tommy into too much of a jerk (I'm a Tommy fan, so that's just my bias), but it set up that line: "The only reason we accepted you is to rid Rita of another monster." Gah. That sent chills down my spine."

I'll be watching out for more chapters. Catch ya later!

Okay, I must admit I laughed out loud with the Bulk and Skull interactions. As I've been rewatching Power Rangers, I've grown a great deal of sympathy for the duo. They're unathletic, they suck at academics, and they're oddballs. I cringe every time the smart, athletic, popular Power Rangers point and laugh at them. I feel if people watched the show without a soundtrack, we would get a far different impression on the characters.

That being said, I also like how Kimberly felt guilt for torturing Skull like that (although I sort of thought "too little, too late." She's not a complete witch. That's Serean. :p

OK, it is a CRIME that this story only has four reviews. I've just started writing for Power Rangers, and I was trying desperately to find a well-written MMPR only fic, and I stumbled by accident onto this one.

Firstly, I really enjoy the writing style. It doesn't feel rushed. The dialogue keeps more of the feel of the show while making it more believable and grown up.

I never felt that Jason had a thing for Kimberly, but there are other parts of this chapter that fascinate me. Kimberly's bitchiness, for one thing. While I tend to paint a more caring Kimberly, she can really be mean when she wants to be, especially to Skull. I was a little uncomfortable with the publicness of her rejection of Skull, but it was true to the character.

I also feel extreme sympathy for Skull. It's his bad luck that every evil version of Kimberly accepts his dates, and then the real Kimberly coldly rejects them. He's also constantly bullied by Bulk, although part of that is his own darn fault. You kept it right with how much everyone laughs at Bulk and Skull, even when they don't really ask for it.

I'll save more comments for later chapters, and I'm going to plug this fic in the next chapter of my own story. Thanks for an enjoyable reading experience so far.

Yeah, Tommy knows something's not right with his Bro. Great job. Keep it up. Catch ya on the flip side.

Another incredibly solid chapter. There is one tiny little thing though, and that's the fact your author's notes spoil a few events. The mention of a Jason/Skull rematch lets us know Skull will pull through and that there will be another fight, and the Jason/Tommy argument is also hinted at. Maybe a more general disclaimer would be better to really keep us on our toes.

Also, as a compulsive proofreader, you're very sharp. My only uncertainty in this chapter is with your use of the word 'must' which doesn't always feel right to me. Especially coming from Tommy: "Kim, you mustn't blame yourself." 'can't' or 'shouldn't' seems a bit more natural. Just a matter of opinion though. From someone with more majesty or poise, like Serean or Zordon, okay. But from the Rangers or Bulk and Skull? It's like Tommy using the word 'opportune' in Chapter 1. I'm not saying Tommy's not smart, but it doesn't strike me as his usual vocabulary.

With that out of the way, onto the meat of the chapter.

I'm liking Kimberly again. The guilt, the worry, it gives me the sense that there's still hope for her.

Bulk's "He better not die, Jason." I love that you had Bulk use his name and the seriousness behind it. This goes beyond the rivalry between the two groups, this is really about Bulk being worried about the best friend that he swore to keep an eye on. Sure, it's a display of aggression, but it's also sweet in a way. Your Bulk has a whole lot more depth than the character we saw on the show. You're doing really nice things with both he and Skull.

Tommy and Jason going at it. I'm still not seeing why Tommy's so critical of Jason, who actually has a reason to be resentful. Is the argument on the leadership of the team supposed to clue us in on that? Maybe Tommy really does feel entitled to have that mantle and he can't stand the fact that Jason is leading. Maybe he feels like everyone compares him to Jason and he always seems to fall short in that comparison. Hopefully, we see a valid reason brought up soon, because Tommy's getting mighty annoying.

Serean's dimension. You could have easily skipped ahead to the meeting between Skull and Serean and not done the whole water sequence. I like the fact that you took the long way around though. Very surreal, very dreamlike. The hands pulling him down, the voices, the fairies, the sprites, all great little touches. My favorite part was Skull remembering the story from English class when they studied Greek mythology. Right there, I stopped reading for a second and thought to myself 'Skull got something from a class? Huh?' Then, you went ahead and acknowledged that with "He usually tuned out literature,..." So, very cool moment right there.

Another little something I really enjoyed was the visual you gave of Kimberly's mascara 'bleeding' on Tommy's sleeve. Colorful choice of words, but perfect in the circumstances.

The Skull and Serean scene was really great. Skull longs to feel appreciated and respected and wanted and Serean gave him just that. How could he not fall for her? And Serean was pretty darned convincing, playing the victim and the damsel in distress in a sense. I think that this scene shows us that Skull has nobility in him. Sure, he got tricked, but he thinks he's doing the right thing. Also, great physical description of Serean. Is she modeled on someone?

That final scene in the alley was excellent. From Skull regaining consciousness to his brawl against Jason for the box to Jason actually wanting to free Serean to get even with Tommy to Serean's escape. It was all very dynamic, a lot of momentum carrying us through to that ending. The fight was different than the last but still very intense in its own way. Serean is looking like a very serious threat not to be underestimated.

Can't wait to read more! And in case it didn't sufficiently come across in my feedback, awesome chapter!

This review will be a bit more linear...

Command Center: That felt so authentic, it's crazy. Zordon and Alpha were both spot-on, right down to the "Turn your attention to the viewing globe" and "Ay-yi-yi!". When Jason and Tommy started getting into it about who'd retrieve the box, I got flashes of Gung Ho!.

Bulk & Skull: This is where I really have to raise my hat to you. We're so used to seeing Skull as Bulk's lapdog, so it was so great to see that Bulk has a protective streak as far as Skull's concerned. Back to the scene, Skull really nailed how I felt in Chapter 1 when he says "I still can't believe she said that. I wasn't hurting her or anything." Kim's reaction was simply really disproportionate. End the scene with Bulk offering to go the Ghost Shop for Skull's sake. Aw.

Command Center, take 2: Still pretty authentic. More info on Serean. It makes sense since the Command Center is 'exposition' center... =)

Bulk & Skull, take 2: Very detailed descriptions of the Ghost Shop, it really felt real. Bulk's recollection of Skull's suicide attempt here, that's the little bit that really did it for me. There's is such a strong bond here that goes beyond the tough appearances and the running gags. It also provides an explanation for why they up with each others antics.

The other great thing here was to have Skull share a scene with someone who considers him to be a regular, normal person and who won't belittle or mock him. It's a startling contrast to how the Rangers treat him.

And what I find interesting, and I'm getting ahead slightly, is that at the Juice Bar, we're in the Rangers' turf and Bulk and Skull are the outsides and bullies. In here, Skull's careful, considerate, polite while Jason, when he arrives, is a bit of an a$$ with Carl. I know Jason was also on edge, knowing about Serean, but still, it doesn't excuse his behavior.

Still, Bulk brought some welcome comedy to scene. And the small talk about the shop and spooky things, it might not be necessary, but it really fleshes out your story.

Jason is an a$$, take 1: That says it all, doesn't it? I was a bit disappointed by Jason's dark turn. And small aside here, "I must know what it is you bought at that store." A little too formal for Jase? Seeing the interaction with Bulk and Skull, those two seem way more decent. I like the bartering sequence.

The whole moment of the exchange, when it didn't go through as planned, very nicely written, very suspenseful. Jason trying to get Bulk's help in getting the box and Skull running off, wow. Jason hisses at Bulk who calls to him not to hurt Skull. This is so Bizarro-land.

Tommy, Trini and Kim: Kim's feeling guilt, which is a good thing. Tommy's taken a cue from Jason and is the a$$ in this scene. Cue Skull's panicked arrival and a testosterone showdown between Tommy and Jase. And I have to ask, what's with Tommy? I get that Jason has issues after chapter 1, but why's Tommy being so confrontational and demeaning?

The fight between Jason and Skull was quite vivid. I want to write fight scenes like this! Very intense, right down to that cliffhanger ending. Visually, awesome.

I know I was a bit harsh on the treatment you gave the characters in Chapter 1. They definitely feel different, but I'm loving what it's allowed you to do with them in the context of this particular story.

Looking forward to a lot more. =)

Oh, more PR!

I gotta say, a lot of the great things that I saw in ‘A Brighter Morning’ are also quite apparent here. Once again, rich descriptions, really diverse vocabulary, I could definitely see it playing out in my head.

I like your premise, I like having Jason and Skull both being, to different extents, the object of Kimberly’s rejection. Also, Jason’s resentment towards Tommy and Skull’s feelings towards the general opinion people have of him. Your setup is really promising.

My one problem with this story, however, was with your portrayal of the characters. And how I feel is based on my usual perception of them. If you chose to portray them with these nuances, if it’s a creative choice, that’s another story. For the most part though, it felt like I was watching Rita’s impostors from ‘A Bad Reflection on You’.

Kimberly. Normally, I love Kim. But here, she took it way too far with Skull. In your other story, sure there was an annoyance, but Kim dealt with Skull privately. Here, she completely annihilated him publicly and she enjoyed it, judging from the high-fives with Billy and Trini. And to tell him that she’ll never go out with him is one thing, but to say that no girl would go out with him? It’s beyond harsh, and I don’t see Kim as having it in her to be this cruel. Skull can be an annoyance, sure, but Kim doesn’t get much love and sympathy from me here.

Trini’s joining that little humiliation came as a bit of a shock to me. The same can be said for Billy and Tommy, who couldn’t even face the prospect of asking someone to the dance themselves. It felt like those four were the bullies, not Bulk and Skull.

Jason and Zack not partaking in the destruction of Skullovitch gave me a bit of hope. I felt really bad for Jason, who’d actually decided to go out on a limb to ask Kim out.

Little aside, while I’m thinking of it. I really liked that Bulk and Skull arrived just as Jason was about to pop the question. It’s just the exact way it would have happened on the show.

Now, aside from what I felt were questionable choices for your characters, I think you really set things up wonderfully for your premise to work. Between the comments following Jason’s class and Kimberly’s spontaneous date choice, the resentment for Tommy is a very natural evolution of the story. Similarly, as cruel as that scene was with Kim, that’s the foundation to Skull’s story arc, and having read (and greatly enjoyed) chapter 2, I have to say it’s a very compelling arc…