It was very nice...short, but nice. I suggest editing tho, lots of sweat...lol, um oh the part about "as he stared into his ocean, blue ones..." HIS I beleave should be HERS, unless I didn't read it right. And "He smiled at the sight of her being happily." Do you mean Her(deedee) Being HAPPY? or do you mean her exsistance makes Mandark smile, Happily? In the start of it about the bangs. The "...and forehead." bit, everyone knows bangs are located on the forehead so it's not really needed.

_hope this help yah!-pp21