 Blu Taiger 2009-05-26 . chapter 1Okay, you seem to be off to a good start.
My only recommendation would be to flesh out the dialog a bit - add more descriptions about what's going on.
Oh, and this one sentence by Hermione, “Tell her about the horcruxes she has a right to know now.” ought to have some punctuation in it. Like, “Tell her about the horcruxes. She has a right to know now.” Something like that.
Well, I hope this will be the first of many reviews. See you in chapter 2!
--Blu Taiger |