A great story. Very good.

Oh! Very good Breeze! I like the fact that Susan is alittle competetive :)

Aslan's Blessings,
Fierce Queen

It sounds so wrong to say "I love the fear, here" and yet it's the truth. The uncertainty is wholly credible and the comfort that Peter offers (following his initial angry query as to whether or not somebody has threatened her!) provides a sort of ballast to Susan's drifting unease. Such a lovely character piece!

Aw! I loved this! I always love anything having to do with CON sibling bonding, so anything further would be wonderful! ^U^

I LOVED how protective Peter was! I always love that about elder siblings--they're so AWESOME with their younger sibling in danger! XD Awesome!

Poor Su! Leave it to her to be missing home, but at least Pete misses their Mum and Dad, too! ^U^

Rock on! This was very sweet, and yes, I also wonder how everything sunk in after the beauty that was the coronation scene! ^U^ *U*
Ever-so sincerely signed,
Shizuku Tsukishima749 :D ;D :) ;)

This story was absolutely beautiful.

It had a wonderful balance between trembling fear and comforting brotherly love. Susan's moments of fear were almost intense, but not so much that I was nervouse or scared myself. I almost found that I feared for her, or more desired that she would find comfort or peace.

The description of everything was well balanced with the dialoge, yet still I would have like some more descriptions. That is more a preference than anything.

Finally I want to end by repeating, it was beautiful.

That was sweet. Sometimes fanfiction authors (including myself) write Susan as everyone else sees her, and forget that she is flesh and blood too. I would be terrified to discover I was a ruler of a faraway land, removed from everything I had ever known to do something I was almost positive I could never pull off.

Anyway, great job. I love how it begins with the bed hanging. Things so often start with tiny observations like that. ;)

Lion be with you,

KC

A great chapter, Breeze! The detail is perfect--enough to give the reader a clear visual image of the scenes without going over the top. There is good characterization and the mood is expressed quite nicely.

Update soon--this is a good start to what I'm sure will be a very interesting story. Good job!

Wonderful! Your descriptions are so rich and the imagery is fantastic. You also did a nice job with the characters and explored an area that I hasn't even considered...the thought of a letter to their mother going unsent is so incredibly sad. Well done!

I liked this! Your Susan is the opposite of the calm and collected Queen many of us see her as. Here, her logic fails her as she finally realizes that Narnia, her crown, the castle... that it is all real and not a figment of her imagination. With Lucy's faith and Edmund's conversion, it is easier for them to accept Narnia. But with Susan, it's all so unbelievable until she has that conversation with Peter at the end.

This is an excellent chapter.
You've really brought out Susan's apprehension and fear of not living up to expectation, and her concern for her mother beautifully.
The little details like the bed hangings, and Susan's comparing her quarters at the Cair with her room in England really helped to show the differences between both worlds.
Also Peter's faith and friendship with his sister is wonderfully written.
I look forward to seeing where you'll take this story.

Well done, Breeze. Thank you so much for sharing your take on characters that you had not tried to tackle much before. The confusion, anxiety, and rich detail was really wonderfully done and you should be very pleased with this. I'm so glad you followed your instinct and wrote this.

Ooh, Breeze! I just loved this. It was very eloquently written and the detail was so rich. I could see everything Susan saw and you conveyed perfectly why such ordinary things suddenly seemed so startling and frightening. I loved the interaction between Peter and Susan, as well. I don't think you have any reason to be afraid of writing about these characters. ;) You've got them!