Um, you really need to edit these chapters with better punctuation and periods. You have a lot of run on sentences, I could do it, if you want. I like the idea of the story, it's just hard to read.

Okay, firstly there are several things you could do to improve. A few more commas becuase it breaks the text down and makes it easier to read. I would suggest reading the chapter over once you have written it, or get a trusted friend or a Beta reader to read over it and see if it makes sense and suggest improvement.

Another improvement you could make is more detailed description of the surroundings your character is in. For example I know that your characters in Kvatch, so you could elaborate in the destuction that has taken place to help grip my imagination by the throat.

If you carry out these improvements then your story should get a lot better. You have an interesting character and have made her unique by making her a powerful servant of Akatosh.

May the Nine guide you for the rest of your days...

Alright let's get all the critizism out of the way. usually I'll just go I LOVED IT!! OMG MORE MORE! But Today I'll start with my "BUT" since this is writer to writer. And because you were so awesome about my questions.

Cons:
I found the technical errors distracting. Fixing It would make it easier to read for sure and definately more like professional writing. I personally rely heavily on spell check since spelling is icky. Style wise the only things for me was the run on sentances, which can be fixed with a period every once in a while and a few well placed commas. And the first chapter was a little bit to staccato and stoic. (OMG I love those two words.) But I understand that. The prison is all set up and annoying to deal with since there is so much in it and so little action. I know I rushed through all that. I always blame Oblivion for it though. Morrowind kind of just throws you in, which make the whole process less tiresome. On the up side the first chapter has far less technical errors. Enough that I wouldn't complain.

(Okay now on to the storyline itself-and this is my favorite part... )

Pros:
OMG!! I LOVE THIS PLOT. If this plot was a person it'd be Johnny Depp. It's original and engrossing and I want to know more! The concept is so out there it totally works. the best part is the plot isn't trying to hard... Meaning that it is believable within the Elder Scrolls Universe. Then again there are alternate dimenstions, ghosts, unicorns and magic. I just don't want a few uncapitalized letters and flip flopped words to undermine that. Because it IS GOOD.

~Luna

Well, first off, I think you should eliminate the run-on sentences in this story to make it easier to read (google run-on sentences, you'll get a lot of helpful info) and capitalize at the beginning of sentences, just to look professional.

But otherwise, I think it's a great story, good start, and I think you can definitely take it places; I look forward to seeing to where it all goes. =]

Very nice chapter. I love all the descriptions of the temples. It makes it all sound very rich and overwhelming. You do visual descriptions very well.

Just remember what I said about reducing the paragraph size. Splitting the bigger ones up are fine if you need to.

Again, long paragraphs. Good nevertheless.

--ST

Good, again, the only problem I see here is the extremely long paragraph in the beginning. Good job though, keep it up.

I rather like the name Liann. It's quite original.:-D
--ST

It's nice, and follows the storyline exactly, but every now and then it needs a bit of touching up or detailing. For example, you might want to add some adjectives when the people are talking, like so,

"So what's the plan?" He inquired, a curious gaze marred his brown eyes.

But other than that, it's very good and nice. Though I'm not too keen on this sort've Akatosh worshipping character. But eh, that's just me.

--ST

A good chapter, with more interesting information. Your prayer to the Divines was particularly poetic and lovely. And I do find myself liking Liann. :)

HAHA! A great chapter. Enticing. The plot is moving. I can't wait to read more, but I have to.

Darth

Aw, how sad! But, a death is always needed to bring the danger home and make it seem real. It's a good technique to use to give Aleria more resolve to defeat them.

A very interesting read. I like the addition of the part dragon transformation. It really establishes the unique aspect of the character. I can't wait to find out more about these human dragons. I'm sure it'll be really interesting.

Just one more thing, try to make the bigger paragraphs shorter. My limit is about five lines, just for ease of reading, you know.

A great story so far. Keep it up.

Oh, wow, this is really interesting. I'd always wondered why no one really played with the idea of dragons when they're woven so deeply into the lore of the games, so it's very good to see it here. I like your original characters very much, and think it's a great concept.

A few minor quibbles- you've got a few places where you seem to have dropped punctuation, which is nothing major and could be easily corrected. And I'd encourage you to use more of your own dialog instead of relying on the in-game dialog (which I know is hard to do starting out), but the stuff that's clearly yours is really good, and certainly strong enough to stand on its own. Overall it's a very good beginning- I'd like to see more detail about your characters and how they relate to the world, because it's excellent. And I'm definitely looking forward to future chapters.

Hey Hey. Now it's real interesting. The story drags you in, and before you know it, you're done with the chapter. Can't wait for the next one.

Pretty exciting. Dragon girl...Hm, I like it. You've captured the audience's attention.
There's a few things, though. I noticed that in a few places, you used form instad of from, But I think that's just from fast typing.
There a a few run-on sentences throughout it. Commas when there's a pause. But all this stuff is tenchinal, and I'm like the story. Other than that, it looks pretty good. I want to see what happens to dragon girl and what powers she has. I'm presuming that there are many plot twists. Can't wait for more!

Darth