I enjoyed this story. Took me two readings to spot the "strong wind" phrase for some reason though.

Oh, so dramatic! I loved it and all of it's awesomeness. ^.^

Ooh, Hollyleaf-centric. ^^ Nice one, Skyst.

[Did he join StarClan, or go to the Dark Forest from trying to kill Firestar, the Clan leader.]
Question mark after leader, not a period.

[She knew StarClan was giving her a sign- ThunderClan was no longer her home.]
"- " is not a dash. A dash is either "--" or " - ".

[How she wished Jayfeather were here now, to give her advice, comfort, and single word.]
...What? Single word? o.o I think you mean "How she wished Jayfeather were here now, to give her advice, comfort - even a single word would suffice."

[If she made it out, she vowed she would go to the MoonPool.]
Moonpool, not MoonPool.

[Come on! She wanted to tell him.]
De-capitalize she.

[A silver colored shecat loosed a rock]
Dash between silver and colored. She-cat, not shecat. And loosen, not loose.

[My father! She thought as she watched the scene.]
she, not She.

[Sometimes goodbye is a second chance, she thought, heading to her new home.]
Good ending. Now I'm curious where Hollyleaf's going to go. :K

Well, all in all, not a bad story. Good job, and hope to see more from you in the future.

~Fawny

COL!

What's this challenge everyone seems to be talking about recently?