   lily moonlight
2009-06-08 . chapter 1Yes, I know this is only a oneshot, and that you won't post another chapter, but i wish you would, and you know my thoughts on what it would entail :P however, mush as I wish you would, this was a good place to leave it, and I have to bow to your skill at leaving it like this, and at least it gives me the grain of hope that he has survived. In my world he does. Mac is alive. Even if a little battered and with a hole, and possibly in a coma. He is alive! Mac can survive bullets, and he's just told Stella he loves her! He must live!! In all seriousness, yes, a cruel ending, but the psychology of stories, which you excel at, is so well done here. We're left on the brink, our poor minds messed with, and that's tough, but skilfully done. I'm torn, becuase I think it had to end like this, but at the same time I feel I've been snatched away from the story, and want to know!
I really, really love this, and not just for the slightly guilty pleasure of seeing injured Mac, with a lot of blood, and in Stella's arms. I may have mentioned that as an appealing image, so thanks for writing this :P Oh dear, that all sounds SO WRONG! What is it with enjoying seeing my favourite characters in pain and angst?! It worries me. Sometimes. For a short time... I hope Im not rambling too much. blame the chocolate and rice cakes. I'm really pleased you posted this. You are such a skilled, scarily skilled, story teller, and this is a heck of a story. Love the way you told it; the framing of their lives by the present is so effective, a kind of rush of moments, like the fabled life flashing before eyes, and writing it all in the present works brilliantly as well, like it's all happening right then for Stella as she waits.
Love the coffee as well, the different times and tastes and meanings of it. When it has been shared and given, all she's learned about Mac from it, all the times they have had it. I liked especially the memory of Claire, and the descriptions of her and stella curled like cats, watching Mac. Sadness too with the memory of Frankie, and what Mac didn't ask here, and how she thinks about her feelings for him, and that he might not feel the same. and of course he does, and always has. The bitter irony. Again, this is going to sound so wrong, but I loved how you wrote the descriptions of Mac after he has been shot, really powerful, and horrifying too, as he's choking out his life, and using his breaths to tell her. Loved the needing of a lifetime of words. Frightening descriptions of the arterires torn and ripped open :( Loved the description of the movements in the hospital also, how the hushed feet move, the white coats sighing and flapping, made me think of shrouds somehow. Ugh, I know, slightly morbid, sorry. But not shrouds, no, because he is ALIVE!! See, if i put it in capitals, it makes it right :P
Fabulous story, so good, and thanks agian for posting and sharing it. So now i have two more updates to read, then I might take a chance soon and give a gentle request for an update on Eye Spied :D |
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