update soon kk

oh, please update please!

cactus is one cactus cacti is more than one!! love it

That was great! I know how you feel about school starting, but the first few days are all just getting to know your classes. Besides, most people do have spare time after homework, and I know some teachers might actually let you type it if you have a flash drive, and your done with your work. My lit comp teacher was really nice about that last year.

Umm, my brain feels fried, so I can't really think of any crici- Wait, actually i have one question.
1) shouldn't there be a guard or someone by the execution tent?
2) Eveyone should have heard the boom, and come running. Did Prince Roald make them go away before he went to Jezmen?
3)Where did she get the bedroll? She left with nothing, and I doubt the prince had two bedrolls considering the fact that he couldn't have been anticipating this.
4)Why would 3 Yuias Sgualis just so happen to appear out of nowhere. From what you said, I doubt they could be controlled, and made to chase her...

Hmm, that's more than 1, but yeah, I got carried away.
-Focid

Hey Happy Birthday! Sorry I'm late, but for some reason, my email never alerted me!! So, I've just clicked the Author Alert button. :) Yes, i did notice what you did with her whole entire body breaking out into a cold sweat
Here are a few question:
1) she usually leaves when her parents are sleeping, so why not now?
2) Why in the world is her father out in the middle of the night, in the exact place where Jezmen does her magic? Is he up to no good? Or did he follow her?
3)Describe her pain when she is hit. You're letting your audience sit and watch the action. Make the gasp in shock as they feel her pain.
4) Another cliff hanger?!?!?! Oh, you do enjoy torturing your audience! :P

Once more, I think you've done a great job! keep writing!!

hey happy birthday
i just wanted to review to say that i am really loving this story and cant wait for the next chapter to be up
please update asap because i am dying to know what happens next

wow. I like that it ends brutally and you're eating a sandwich. nice whiplash there. By the way I like this fic.

well thank you! i do like being awesome :) i really liked the chapter and hope you update soon!

OOH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D
So of course you get a review :D
Hope you had/have a awesome day!! (Depending on when you read this :D)

Why why why another cliffhanger! I mean, it's really interesting to read... but now once again I'm desperate to keep reading! :D

I like where the story is going though :D It would be cool if, I dunno, somewhere along the way, there could be a chap from Roald's perspective, or a paragraph or something? I wanna know why he's so interested in Jezmen... is it those meddlesome gods?

Here's a hug for encouragement and to say thank you :D
*HUG*

Sticker cookies? and you share your account. How many people share it? What an interesting Idea. How did you come up with that?
Yeah lots of Jeire in this chapter!(do you think I'm dememted because he's my favorite? I'm really not just a tensy bit weird) Doesn't feeling evil feel amazing!?!?! My friends Nicole and Lynn would be happy to challenge you to an evil smile contest *evil smiles* you wouldn't know what hit you... heehee
Keep those fingers with the nails on the end writing!
Serene

Jezmen's father needs to find a corner to die in. He's so annoying! But I also found some things that make you sound modern again. Using aka was the biggest one in this chapter. That's all you really need to focus on. You have a great idea and you're a good writer now work on staying in a certain tense and sticking to your time period. I would be very sad if you blew Jeire up! I think he makes this story pop from all the other Tamora fics put there!
Keep up the good work and I hope your fingers are sore from typing many more chapters of this story!
Serene

I agree entirely. Old people are weird! But the Crazy ones are awesome! I like the Magic you gave Jezmen because it's different. I like that because different is AMAZING. And one reason I've found some people don't reply to reviews is becaus the story is old or they get hundereds of reviews. I wish you had that problem! It would keep you very busy! You put a lot of detail in your writing which means it's enjoyable! YEAH! I actually think to much Information in a story can be super annoying but your's has a good balance.

Keep your little fingers a-typing!
Serene

Ha! What if I were to say you are 169 pecent amazing! What would you say then?! I really like Jezmen. She seemes to be a person I would not want to kill. I think that is a good thing. Who knows. In some places you seemed kind of modern. Like the Dance being called a Dance and Jezmen saying "Erg!" They sound like something you would hear walking the streets today but not in Tortall. Jeire is by far my favourite character as the creeps tend to be. What can I say?! I really like the idea and hope you continue writing!!
By the way, I really like it when authors write awesome Authors notes. Your's was really funny!

Keep your fingers typing!
Serene

Umm... Going against the Voice is illegal in the Bazhir culture. That is why Jon as the Voice is good, peace between the Bazhir and the Northern King. and your characters are just unbelievable, too modern. I'm not trying to be a complete bitch, I love the idea of Roald marrying a Bazhir. Your grammar and ideas are good, just needs some work.

This was good. There a couple things you need to polish up and some things that you need to work on, either in editing or to watch over as you keep writing. I'm going to go through from the beginning and mark down everything I notice in order.

The beginning was very well done. I would have liked to see the title of the chapter in the actual chapter title spot, but thats only because I'm very particular. The way you began the story was good- you introduced the character without an awkward "This is who I am, my name (rank, serial number), hair colour, eye colour, pedigree, etc", while also introducing a bit of her character and her place in the Tortall verse.

I didn't like the 'miss' and 'sir's you used. I thought it was jarring in their language because it just doesn't go with the culture you are trying to write into.

However, their conversation was very good and really set up their relationship as well as Jezmen's to the world and her tribe. Her tribe is the 'Golden Tiger'? That seems odd to me, because I don't think there are tigers in the desert where the Bazhir live, and so an ancient name for the tribe would not have been chosen as such.

Also, I would watch just how much you make her hate. It doesn't make her a believable character. You are having her reject everything that *you* don't agree with about the Bazhir culture, but she would have grown up with it-- she would belong to it her entire life. Why does she question it so much? What happened to give her that perspective? You don't give her enough depth there, and it makes her seem fake. I would have liked some catalyst in her childhood... Maybe she meets some knights and listens to their conversations in the market. Maybe she sees a passing glimpse of Alanna or hears her tales... Maybe she meets the mage girls Alanna trained! But without it, you have put a northener in Bazhir clothing and expected us to believe in her. I don't.

It is cacti. You should have looked it up or asked a beta before you posted. A/Ns within the text is my *biggest* pet peeve. Its never OK. Don't do it! ;)

I loved the sentence where she asked for the money. Adding the foreign name of the coin really placed the fic, and the way you described the hunger and with the seperate sentence revealed that he was watching her was interesting and well-done.

Don't use caps for emphasis. Use italics or bold. Caps don't look profession and really make it look immature.

You have very good spelling and grammar and punctuation. Good job! I love to see that. The only typo I noticed was 'at' instead of 'as', in the paragraph with the description of the market. I would have liked more description of her surroundings, especially the market and the people she talks to. You do a good job at expressing her thoughts, but not what she sees/smells/hears, etc.

Watch your language choices. 'Great!' and 'wow' are very modern words that do not belong in their vocabulary.

The idea you were trying to express, that she could hate him while at the same time not hate him because of her individual and tribal identity is very interesting, but poorly written. It confused my and drew me out of the flow of the story. It would also have worked better if you had actually had her more a part of the tribe. You made her reject too much, too soon. There seems to be no room for change and growth, and in that you lose the space to really develop her character and build a relationship between her and the readers.

I did enjoy it. You have an interesting character, a good style and a storyline that I am enjoying. Your first chapter was short, but well structured and did make me want to keep reading. Good job! I hope my review was what you were looking for. Please reply before I review the next chapter so I know whether or not you want me to do so in a similar style.

KrisEleven~