Great. This is very much better than the first version, I think. I like the rhythm and flow. The repetition of "how long, how far" is much more effective and I like how you break that pattern at the end.

There is still things to niggle away at if you, like me, seldom are able to put any story or poem to rest, but it is mostly smaller details. Most generally I would say that you should put in proper punctuation even if it is a poem. Both line-breaks and punctuation indicate pauses and breathing-points but punctuation also have a grammatical function and are important to meaning. Line-breaks are no substitution for punctuation.

What I would call the second and third stanza (from "The king is dead" to "Where memory calls, how long, how far?") are very good. The rhythm is good, the words flow well and the images work well. I think these are the best in the poem.

The first stanza (everything before) is also mostly good, but the rhythm in the forth line - Aragorn spoke a word - does not run as smoothly as the rest. I think it is because "Aragorn" starts with a stressed syllable which throws the rhythm a little off. In the next two stanzas, and in the lines before, you start with an unstressed syllable, or a less "stressed" one. It might improve on the rhythm if you substituted "Aragorn" with "The king" to get the unstressed "the" first. That would mean that you don't name Aragorn until the very end. This can be a powerful effect in itself, and I do not think it will cause any confusion for the reader. You must, however, see if that is something you want to do.

The rhythm could also be improved by substituting “a” with “one”. Read it out loud and see what you like.

The next part I think could be improved on is “Bearing the anguish of mortality/ For love there is a price/ To pay/ past the shores of death, how long, how far?”

Again it is the rhythm, the flow of the words, that does not quite work with the stressed ‘bearing’ at the beginning of the first quoted line. This is not as easily solved as “Aragorn” thought and you might need to not only rewrite the sentence, but also change the image – the meaning – to solve it. I can understand if you don’t want to do this. That is the most problematic line in this part, but “Past the shores of death, how long, how far?” also seem to me to be a little off rhythmically. If I were to suggest some changes, I would suggest something along the lines of:

“In silent lands / She dwelt alone/ In faded immortality/ There is a price to pay / For love/ Beyond death’s shores, how long, how far?”

But since this is a poem and every writer has her style, and I do not know if the connotations of the words I would choose are the ones that you aim for, I would not insist on this change. I’ve made the suggestion more to let you see alternatives.

The next part I think you either have to do some massive re-writing of, or just leave it as it is. The rhythm here is not good, but I can’t see any easy, small remedy for it. The sentence “Arwen walked cross glade and glen” is very good though, I like it a lot, so keep that! The best suggestion of a rewrite I could think of is this:

“In springtime/ When the Mallorn-leaves/ Fell like golden Valar’s tears/ Arwen walked cross glade and glen/ To Cerin Amroth/ Where they pledged their love, how long, how far?”

But I don’t think it is a very good suggestion, so just throw it away if it is not helpful. It think using the Valar instead of ‘god’ would be a good idea though, more in line with canon.

The next stanza, “Bitter is/ the Doom of Men/ etc” is very good. I would suggest cutting “long” in “Bitter Arwen’s long grief in Lorien” as that would make the rhythm even stronger and stress the harsh and bitter reality Arwen had to face. But other than that, it was perfect.

The last part breaks away form the pattern you made before, a very good effect to accentuate the change that you bring in here, answering the question you have repeated up to now.

The part up to “There is no price” is good, I like it a lot. “That is too much payment for the lover” is awkward though. I don’t see a way to amend this so I can’t make any concrete suggestion to a change, but I would suggest using “too high” instead of “too much” even if it is a cliché, and “to pay” instead of “payment”. Perhaps “That’s to the lover too much to pay” can work, but I don’t think the rhythm is that much improved by that. It is a difficult line, but that line together with “Bearing the anguish of mortality” is the weakest ones in the poem I think.

A lot of nit-picking here, but overall I think this poem is much improved, and it is good. In parts very good, and I like the ending a lot, especially the two last lines.

“Arwen walks
Beside the soul of Aragorn”

Beautiful.

Thank you for telling me when you re-posted, I am very glad I got to see this version.

That was great!
It was sad and beautiful, all at once. =)
Write more!!

Aw, sad! Great job! I enjoyed how often the phrase, "How long, how far," was used. This does a very good job at describing the despair that Arwen must have felt after her dearly beloved's passing.