Badly bored at work and decided to read some more of your latest fanfiction. Well, this story does show a of improvement in your previous work. You are getting better with your grammar, I didn't notice any typos this time.

I think you write young children with a lot of interest, you clearly enjoy writing parenting scenes a lot, in fact, all four of the stories I've read featured heavy "Kodak moments" and I'm curious about this as a theme in your work.

I also notice you seem to love names, especially long ones. Every character I've read of yours has a middle name too and usually a pretty one. I keep wondering if some poor soul will be forced to endure the middle name Ethelbert or Hyacinth, or every parent is so thoughtful.

The other is a slight correction. You don't own any characters in a world created by someone else. So despite changing the hair color and eye color, any Melody, daughter of Ariel and Eric belongs to Disney. In fact, anything in this world belongs to the Disney company, even if you made her a different name or made her a younger sister, it all belongs to Disney. So I'd change that.

Also, I think having Ariel been mad at her daughter would have helped a great deal. We don't make much movement in the story, every thing remains very static and that makes it a bit slow. If Ariel had started off being mad at Melody for sneaking out, but then realized why, we have characters changing and evolving.


Also, why would Melody have a shower? The story takes place in the 18th century, they didn't have indoor plumbing yet! Also, as a princess, wouldn't Melody have maids to bathe her? Getting hot water during those times could take hours, lots of firewood and such.

Unless you weren't writing the Ariel in the movie, and just wanted to focus on if it took place in modern times? I'm a bit confused.

But in short, a definite improvement over the last few.

So sweet.