Beautifully written story. You have much potential. You have a sweet one-shot right now, but with your writting ability you can turn it in to an amazing story. You have captured the characters well. I suggest you make it into a stoy. I have some ideas for the story. If you ever want to find out what the ideas are P.M me.

Good start...You should write more...The dots don't mean it isn't good...I Just like doing them...

This is so cute. I think you should continue this!

Now that was short yet so beautifully crafted it made me want to read more! Amazing job! I can only briefly say...beautiful and truly amazing job...I applaud you.

Hi there, I liked this story. It flows nicely and I think you've captured the cahracters well. I think perhaps you should look over a couple of your words, such as 'oftentimes' - a suggestion could be 'Kim often gazed longingly...'

I don't think this story needs to be continued, it stands nicely on its own as a one-shot. Great story!

Kind regards,

Lisa Jane

That was great! Please continue!