I like where this plot is going but why don't you bulk up your paragraphs. You don't have to press "enter" after every two lines. Additionally, if you're having trouble making your posts longer you can add more detail. It clarifies things and helps readers "see" what's going on. Explain relationships, feelings, thoughts, and even the character's surroundings.

Hope this helps,

natno

nice start! I like how you did it. Please continue!! Can't wait to read more!! :):):)