These last two chaters feel incredibly rushed.

Your story is still good. However, you can't tell me not to threaten the reviewers and then do it yourself!

I wonder if the Juvenile bulbmin will appear...

That was interesting.

So you "better get extra reviews"? Excuse me pal, but you're getting a TON of reviews already. And I do mean a ton, I haven't seen this many reviews for a debut pikmin fanfic... well, in a really long time. And that fanfic had massive chapters.

The fighting was ok, but I can see how there could be some improvement. Hard to explain, so read up on other people's fanfics with fighting in them... or pick up a book and read that. Try to not just put the number of combatants and a few moves that finish them off; nobody attacks one at a time.

Still a noticeable lack of puncuation in the dialogue, especially missing comas and periods, question marks and exclamation marks. I did see some exlamation marks at the end, but that was all there was. It was kind of funny when you described Plode as sounding bored though... heh.

That's a darn good story. You also anwsered my question, finally. Only one thing: desert is not dessert!

I have to say I like this story it kind of reminds me of my early stuff. It started out with lots of grammatical errors, but it seemed that they disappeared as I read through it. One more thing. You said that the toadmin never talk, but in your second chapter one of them calls for the toadmin to retreat, so you might want to take a look at it.

Anyway, I hope you update this soon.

I look forward to seeing where this story goes.

Really good story man. Keep the chapters coming. By the way, what color is Chime and what are her abilities? I think the root base would work well for the green pikmin.

it was great 9/10 oh yeah i haven't had alot of time on my hands to write but you can expect chapter 2 to both my stories soon

You seem to be missing the fact that the toadmin are under the control of the puffstool that turned them into toadmin in the first place. Other than that, I would recommend finding out where they got such numbers from anyway? This is nice.

Some big problems with this chapter, but some improvements and nice word choice as well.

Every sentence needs to have punctuation. That includes dialogue.

"I can't see," is incorrect and makes it seem like the pikmin is simply talking... and with a bored voice, too.

"I can't see!" would be much better. But don't overuse exclamation marks. A rule I like to follow is never to put exclamation marks in my writing unless absolutely necessary, or if it's in dialogue.

There were some misuses of the word 'their

'Their', when you should have used 'there', and vice versa.

I like the green pikmin. But I don't think the pikmin have much chance in combat with them, if they look like I think they look like. Natural armor and all.

No opinion on eggs and crossbreeds. But it's your story.

Try making some more effort to differentiate between the characters. Try giving them personality quirks,making them interact in more interesting ways *say, a love interest or love triangle since your pikmin can breed and have the ability to make crossbreeds*, maybe one character wears a necklace of beads, or somebody has a phobia.

I did like the chapter, don't get me wrong. It didn't do that much to advance the plot but it wasn't a hard read. You organized it quite well.

GOOD JOB DUDE KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK 8/10

Alright, I've read Ch. 2 and I've got a big list for things for you to improve on.

Your punctuation is negligent, as in very bad. This isn't too bad, it just takes a little extra effort to get it right. Your grammar as well leaves a lot to be desired. Again, just a little extra effort and practice will help a lot.

Desert is spelled with only one 's', unless you're talking about ice cream or cake. It's ok, beginner's mistake.

The story seems like you've chopped at it with the Delete key, especially with the first unbolded sentence. When did Blaze knock the toadmin unconscious?

Everything else is fine, even if you don't have any description at all of the equipment, setting and characters. The names have all been done before but that's fine.

It's ok, needs work of course. But I'll keep reading, so keep updating! Just stick with it.

It definitely needs some serious work.

But for a first chapter ever written... it's pretty good. Just don't rush it next time. I like the idea by the way. (it's kind of like Ferahgo the Assassin's stories)

I'll keep reading this.