...wow.
That's all I can say.
I'm speechless. Absolutely speechless.
THIS IS EPIC SHIT.
Really. It's such a good "They're about to win...and then they die. Splat." kind of ending. Which I adore, simply because happy endings are overrated. A bit morbid of me, yes, but this is simply amazing.
Just... who is Kappelmeister? I don't think I've heard of him before?

Anyways, AWESOME JOB.

~Ceridwen Inari

Aww... See, this is the kind of story I like; Short, sharp and heartrending. I especially adore Dorothy's part, where Jack sacrificed himself for her - and in the end it was all in vain. Sniff. Not-Snow's is incredibly creepy, and that's a good thing. My only objection would be that Alan and Nanashi were sorta thrown off to one side in favour of Kappelmeister, but aside from that, I *love* it.
~F-E <3

Let it be known that I love you. I'm not too into angst (I'm too sensetive to it), but this... This was... I - I can't put it into words all that well, so please bear with me.

This is incredibly sad, but it's just so lovely and poetic. It's like, a fairytale that's not read the rules.

"...he cannot sleep because it is always too bright, the night is always just as gold as twilight."

Holy crap that line is my absolute favourite. Because it rhymes but also because of the imagery. It's like a paradox (I think that's the term). When something is the opposite to what it's being called (or is that an oxymoron? Anyway...). It's such beautiful imagery, but it's a curse. Just because it's gorgeous doesn't mean it's easy to sleep to - at all, as the case is. I almost feel sorry for Alviss.

Nanashi, Alan and Snow's are my favourite snapshots though. They're so powerful. So sad and - my heart aches for all of them.

But you want critique too, yes? Hm. Just two things:

1) Just your spelling near the beginning. There are a few errors, but nothing big. And...

2) "Call me 'mother'," the Queen orders.

"It is a pretty name, mom."

I think this would have been more foreboding and heart wrenching if Snow had replied, "It's a pretty name, *mother*." As though she were parroting. It would have been like she's following Diana's suggestion (to the Tee, because she doesn't know any better).

But all in all, this is a lovely piece. I'm quite honestly moved. Lovely work, m'dear! This is an awesome start to the incentive.

Ciao, take care!

- Woffy

Wow. Intense. I don't really know how else to describe my feelings right now. Very -no- extrememly well done.

Hoping inspiration finds you well,
Ember

This is like the alternate ending of a video game - the sad/bad ending.

This fic is amazing. I do like the bits about Snow and Diana, cause it's pretty creepy in its own way, though you could add a bit more detail to that.

There are just a few grammar errors, though those can be easily ignored.

In the end, there really is only one winner, isn't there? The last two lines ring to me. It's the difference between the king and all the other characters. I love it.

Hello there! :DD (still remember me? I guess not. XD)

Whoa, great fic! Your writing style really improved, yeah! n_n way to go, Akari-tan! :DD

Lovely descriptions you've got there. You really captured their sense of lonliness very well, yeah!

Ganbatte on writing! :DD

~Kura

Oh my god.

I am seriously shaking.

This is just... wow.

I repeat, Oh my god.

I love it. Even though Alan and Ginta died, I love it. Your description is so sad and beautiful it makes my heart ache. It's emotive to the max without being too overwhelming, and the pictures you paint with your words are so vivid.

But who or what is Kappelmeister?

Hmm, concrit. I don't really know what to say. Uh, I did spot something that didn't make sense, though it may just be nitpicking- in the first paragraph, did you mean to write 'torn', as in 'torn pieces of flesh'?

Ah, other than that, I don't really have anything to say. Maybe if I sit and mull it over for a while something might present itself.

My personal favourite bit was the King's two lines. It just hit home like a sledgehammer.

-Lady Bad Luck

wow
great job
the imagery were amazing
poor MAR

I adore this. Maybe it's because of my tastes for angst and less than happy endings, but either way, this is wonderful.

The language that you use makes this story give off a 'fairy-tale gone wrong' vibe. Some of the sentences are very straightforward, but their simplicity causes them linger in the reader's head, especially the last two lines.

I love how you told the tragic endings of all the Team MÄR members and then ended the story, revealing the only person who benefited from all the destruction and chaos. That was lovely.

The description was poetic. My favorite line in particular was:

"Alviss is waiting for the night, but it does not come. There is no difference now, their skies have been painted with a never-ending sunset. Fire raises up to heavens and he cannot sleep because it is always too bright, the night is always just as gold as twilight."

You've painted a vivid picture of a place where the sun does not shine and the fire of devastation rules the skies.

My only criticism is that in the parts about Dorothy, Jack, Snow, and Diana, you were a bit too brief. I would have liked to see a little more description of the scenes, though, that might just be my preference for vivid and poetic language.

Again, this story is just lovely. I am eager to read more fanfiction from you. ^^