|Reviews for Chrono Cross: Forever Zero|
| Legendary Biologist 11/30/12 . chapter 2
Well, I see that there's a POV shift. I was confused at first, but the flashbacks had shown that it was an OC's POV. Your characterization is decent; there's no OOCness (it's good to see that you still describe Fargo, Miki, and Nikki). In addition, I see that the OC is good, because he doesn't look like a Gary Stu.
However, there's a number of SPAG issues: punctuations (mostly missing commas), tense shifts, and minor typos. I recommend you to read your work out loud or get a beta (though I suggest you to correct everything yourself first and minimize the errors), because the issues have broken the flow of the story, especially the tense shifts. If you couldn't stay with present tense for a first person POV, use past tense instead.
While I feel that the narrative voice is kind of formal, the last line seems to be out of place. It should be "Yes, let's go." to strengthen the formality of the narrative voice.
Sorry if this sounds too critical. I see the potential of the plot and it can turn out to be an excellent story, but it needs a heavy editing. Hope this helps.
| Legendary Biologist 11/30/12 . chapter 1
Hey there, good to see that this fandom is still alive! Well, I think that this is a great prologue (or first chapter), because this has given the characters some background, so there's no confusion about who's who. Also, I like that you still write out Kid's dialogue with her accent, because this made her voice clearer and keep her in character. Pacing is good, as nothing happens a lot in the chapter. Your word choice does keep the dramatic (and perhaps yearning) atmosphere in this chapter, so good job. Ah, I also like the history of Lavos and Time Devourer, which indeed, shows a bit of connection to Chrono Trigger. :)
However, this chapter has got a number of SPelling And Grammar (SPAG) issues, mostly punctuations and few usage of numbers (there are few typos too), and this has a posibility to jar a reader out of the story. Hope this helps, I apologize beforehand if there are still some other mistakes.
He was sitting down(,) gazing at the ocean(,) its waves crashing endlessly near the shore's sparkling white sand.
His thoughts shifted to Schala(,) a princess from a kingdom known as Zeal that had supposedly existed a long time ago.
It would have succeeded in the near future, but (twenty) years ago, - I suggest you to spell out the number, as the story will flow better
a powerful item which was in fact the (seventh) element of the unknown attribute. - number, as above
The distortions that (allow) entrance to Chronopolis will be closed,
to keep your memories or not(,) though you must choose wisely.
Schala made no comment and nodded(;) she knew that Serge loved Kid, and that Kid felt the same way towards the blue(-)haired teen.
It's okay(,) Kid,
I'm never (gonna) see you again.
I know(,) Kid, I know,
to get back(,)" she said.
It was priceless(;) she was all wide-eyed, mouth wide open, and was in fact(,) turning red.
Leena had left him for a while now(;) she had not even returned yet.
He wasn't sure whether or not he should tell her about his experience(;) he had the feeling that she wouldn't believe it.
Serge's mother, (who) knew of some things that were
I'll be reading and reviewing the next chapter soon! :)
| huh 10/29/11 . chapter 5
Why did u frikin stop? O _ O
| juanlink661 10/18/09 . chapter 5
the story its really cool I never thought of the fact that lynx maith actually be alive...m one thing serge here is still carryng his sea swallow..m but if he saved dario that wolud mean that hes got the master mune (remember that the mastermune is formed of the combination of the sea swallow and the masamune) just thought of reminding that...but well its getting instersing Im waiting for the next chapter (sarge in guldove? whos that?)
well good job read ya
| SergeSeiben 10/5/09 . chapter 5
erm is there going to be a continuation ?
| Vehiek 9/29/09 . chapter 5
Well, it has been a while, and the story so far has mostly just been revised.
For a minor note, there are a few tense errors.
| TaniLights 9/8/09 . chapter 4
Lucy is wonderful! I really enjoyed the fight scene, and the awkward yet developing friendship between Len and Lucy. Great character interactions. I like Radius' revised weapon.
Is that passage from Radical dreamers? Never played it, but its the only game I know if related to the Chrono series. If there's another tell me.
So we finally meet Serge - And it ends on a cliffhanger! I really hope you continue this story; I will be eagerly waiting!
| TaniLights 9/7/09 . chapter 3
Poor Len. Kids can be evil. Fun chapter and great character interactions.
| TaniLights 9/7/09 . chapter 2
wonderful chapter! I love the way you blended his thoughts and the flashbacks. Can't wait to see what comes next!
| TaniLight 9/7/09 . chapter 1
I like this a lot so far! The scene with Serge and Kid was touching, with a little bit of humor too, making it bittersweet. I'm very intrigue to see what comes next!