Hey, got bored at work and decided to see how your new works are.


"“Mama?” A small voice interrupted the waterbending master’s thoughts."

Using description like that really breaks up the flow of the story. Even though context clues would say it's Katara, why overcomplicate it by giving her a new title. Just say "her"

"Taccai was the spitting image of both Katara and Zuko."

Katara and Zuko look nothing alike, that makes no sense to me.

"He was a firebender like his father and he had his father’s hair."

Having his dad's hair hardly makes him the spitting image.

"“I missed you, my yue,” he said, planting a kiss on Katara’s cheek."

I still find it a bit strange that Zuko refers to Katara by the name of her dead friend. I know it means moon, but changing it might make it less jarring.

"The couple stayed like that for what felt like forever. In reality, it had only been three minutes."

That is a bit overcomplicated as well. Things that seem to last forever usually aren't good.

Kiana Lynn isn't an Asian name at all. Perhaps you should change that. Kai-Lin or something?


" “Aw, good girl! That’s my girl! Good girl!” Zuko praised, picking his daughter up and giving her a hug. "

That's sweet, I like Zuko's reaction, considering his own father issues.

"“Good girl! Mama’s so proud of you, Ana! Good girl!” Katara praised, using her daughter’s nickname"

I don't think you have to tell us it's her daughter's nickname, who else would she be speaking to?

"“That’s right,” Zuko said, the smile growing. “Papa’s right here, Ana. And I’ll always love you.”"

Zuko's emotional breakdown here is fascinating, he's babbling. You really made him someone who can't express love properly, just like in canon.

Much better job, but you still have stuff you might want to fix.

Aw, that is so precious! I love the story :)

Good one. Zuko must be so proud.

Tacci was so cute when he said "I still love you, Mama." Cuteness ^-^ Nice oneshot!

Ahh that was cute!!