Oh, gosh, you have no idea how much I adore you for writing an OC/Altair fic that's actually, y'know, worth reading. I don't usually go for OC/Canon!character pairings (ironic given some of the stuff I've written), and I was almost put off by all the crap I was having to slog through in my search for OC/Altair fic—when I stumbled on Chaos Theory.

(Kudos for actually knowing what the chaos theory is about instead of just picking it as a nifty title, by the way.)

Of course, as with anything, there's both the good and the bad. On the good side, the writing is of good quality, is entertaining, and has flair. You definitely seem to have found your 'voice' in writing. I also really like your characterization of Altair—he's still very much the elite assassin from the game, but the occasional flashes of humor make him much more human. I also like both Sandy. More importantly, I care about Sandy, which means you've done your job as a writer. Getting the reader to care about an original character when it's so much easier to care about the canon characters is a remarkable feat, methinks.

The plot is interesting, as well, and different enough from the game to be fresh. The parts that focus on Sandy are rock-solid—which is good, because so much of the fic is from her point of view.

Incidentally, interesting tidbits about this 'George' person. I'm guessing another time traveler—but I wonder where he fits in everything. Mysterious!

Also? The romance—those brief glints of it, anyway—actually made me squee. They're very tastefully done, and the pacing is more than good enough to make it believable. That scene in the alley... I've never hated the AC Templars as much as I did then. Darn interruptions!

But before I get carried away with singing praises, let me get to the bad stuff I mentioned. Good news: it's almost all technical. Specifically, here and there there's misused words—you know, the type that are almost homonyms but mean very different things. It's not too much of a biggie, but a good proof-read wouldn't go amiss.

The real problem, however, lies with the commas. There's comma splices all over place. Now, I won't bore you with long explanations, but a comma splice is when a comma is used to join two independent clauses where instead it should be a period or a semi-colon (or sometimes a colon). What this leads to is ungrammatical sentences and run-ons, which make the grammar-conscientious reader cringe and dive for the back button (which is a pity because the story is, as I said, very good). In this case, a beta reader would probably come in handy.

(They're kind of like coffee, beta readers: at first you might not see why you need one, but then you try it out and suddenly you can't imagine how you ever did without one and you're recommending it to all your friends, as well as people over the Internet—and that's where my analogy breaks down a bit.)

But anyway, I ramble, and this review is monstrously huge enough already. So I'll just put this on alerts and wait eagerly for next Saturday (or, y'know, whenever the next chapter's done, because I totally sympathize with not having enough time to do anything).

Awesome job! I'm so happy that you are keeping close to your scedual. :) Also, I totally understand the deal with ACII. It's so awesome!
Anyway, like how you put Altair in the presence of Maria. Good idea. X)

I see no fault in the chapter being a little late because you were playing Assassin's Creed 2. It's been taking up a fair amount of my time as well. As is Dragon Age Origins, and New Super Mario Bros. Man, there's always so much good stuff that comes out at the end of the year. Well anyhoo, on with the review.

So Sandy had an interesting chat it seems. With someone who was not exactly who they claimed to be. Then again, Sandy wasn't really who she claimed to be either, so I guess they're even. Well either way, she played it pretty smoothly for the most part, and didn't give away any information that would be useful to Robert de Sable. It was an interesting scene a good way to introduce Maria into the story.

The scene following also gave some good insight into the minds of both her and Robert. He doesn't really seem to give her much special treatment, seems to treat her like he'd treat any other steward. Which I had a feeling that'd be the case. She doesn't seem to mind it, though. At least not too much. Whatever he throws at her it sounds like she just does her best to soldier through it, and Robert in some way probably has a respect for that. At least I think so anyway.

Well as always looking forward to the next chapter, keep up the good work! ^_^

Ugh. So here I thought I reviewed this last week, but I realized that was screwing up so my review never got in, so now I must remember everything I said and rewrite it! D: I'll apologize now that the review may be a little off.

So lets see. Well, everything in general was great-- as usual! I still think everything is working out well and I'm loving every minute, though I have seen a few typos here and there and in this chapter specifically, a few sentences that were a bit confusing to me (dunno about anyone else though.) Only one I remember now was this: "Altair glanced at Robert, Sandy noted a grin on his face, and suddenly he raised his hand. Sandy braced her nerves and when his hand flicked she was ready and off like a gunshot with Altair right behind her." I got confused with who the he's were, and though one could really skip over it an assume stuff, it just slowed down a part that should have been quick and snappy, because I'm weird like that in having to look back and re-read/analyze anything that confuses me. I'm sure part of this was just me, and I don't see a better way of writing it without having to say a name over and over which would get annoying.

Another thing I thought was a bit off was that part after Sandy and Altair in the doorframe/way. With the description of how she felt before, I doubted that it would blow over so easily once he moved away. It just seemed to me like it would be difficult for her to just grin and continue on normal conversation after having that seizure of emotion, even if she thought about it later. I think it would take her a bit longer to cool off from that, though you could excuse all of that with the excuse of the adrenaline rush from escaping the Templars. I dunno, it just felt a bit off to me.

I also loved how excited she was at revealing Maria and how Altair more or less blew it off. It amused me (especially looking back on it, it amuses me even more!-- if you played AC2 or Bloodlines it would make more sense).

Also, when you mentioned her going to the baths, and seeing as it's obvious the baths are going to be in the next chapter and may hold and interesting scene because of it, I thought that maybe she'd run into Maria there! Just a thought.

And if you want music to fit an epic scene, anything by Clint Mansell would be perfect! :D

I feel like there was something else, but I can't remember now and I really wanna read your next chapter, so that's all for now.

So keep up the awesome work! :D Really any problems I've mentioned so far (throughout the whole story) are really rather minimum and can be easily looked over, so -- especially considering you don't have a beta last time I checked -- you're doing phenomenal!

~Hedwig

I certainly don't blame you for playing AC II that long, I've been playing almost nonstop since last Tuesday. :)

Ah! I love reading from Altair's point of view. I love Sandy too, but I still think it's nice to get a glimpse of what he's thinking too. (I noticed you slipped in what he thought about what happened in chapter 20.)

Please keep up the great work.



P.S. I prefer Altair to Ezio as well. I mean, Ezio is very charming, but Altair still takes the top. :D

Wow, I love this story so far! I usually avoid stuff that's 'tainted' with original characters, but I really like Sandy and the characters you have introduced so far. Sandy strikes a nice balance between damsel in distress and woman warrior. Bravo!

Did you really write 140,0 words in five months? Jeez, that would take me a year!

Anyway, I love this story so far! I'm very impressed with your writing skill too. It's rare to find well written fanfiction.

Update soon! *Hugs*

this plot is thicker than creamcheese on a bagel, way to rock on , and yesh doesn't school do that to all of us? *Treads paper Good luck getting to shore

Man, it seems like you have trouble alot with . I recall several times where you went to publish something and the site either crashed or it went down for maintenance or various other reasons, but 12 hours..damn! Well at least it let you post. So lets get on with the review shall we?

For starters...RUN! That was probably the best choice of action when dealing with Robert de Sable, at least at this point. While Altair probably could have taken him and his goons...archers can be rather annoying. Plus there were way too many witnesses. The chase that ensued was pretty exciting, though.

Sandy is pretty sharp, though. In noticing there was something odd about Robert's right hand "man". Guess it's woman's intuition at work.

Kinda felt bad for the poor messenger kid that Altair had to shiv. Guess it was sorta necessary though, that kid's fate was sealed either way. If he would have been compliant and showed Altair the messages, he probably would have been killed by his masters anyway. So people just have no luck at all.

Garnier de Naplouse is most likely to meet the same fate pretty soon as well. His opium experimenting days are numbered. I do remember that part in the game, seem to remember it being kind of annoying. So the sooner he dies the better.

Well as always, looking forward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work! ^_^

Great chapter as always. Do you happen to know if the story alerts for this story, or for fanfiction isn't working? I didn't get a story alert for this chapter...hmm...

Onto the review!

Once again, I have to say how well you incorporate the budding romance and all of the adventure together in this story. It feels like Assassin's Creed, and that's one of the must haves for any story.

I like the moment that Altair and Sandy are all pressed up against each other. :D It's very amusing. We all know what's going on in Sandy's mind, but I'd love to get a glimpse of what Altair thinks. But... I must say that part of the reason why this story is so good is because we're all waiting for that moment where Altair shows his feelings. XD XD

Please update soon! I can only imagine what will go wrong at the bathhouse. Hahaha.

you just grained another fan =3

This story is amazing, I absolutely adore it o3o

First AC story that I have ever read - but I followed you from Beyblade and after several email alerts I decided to give it ago. Let me just say - Epic! I absolutely love it! Your attention to detail is astounding as well as the research that you have obviously put in every chapter.

I read the tidbits corner religiously and find the additionally information fascinating. Its been such a long time since I have read such a thoroughly thought out fanfiction and I am happy that I read this story - although it has proved to be a major distraction from my exams. :\ OH well.

Keep up the fantastic effort and I cannot wait for the next chapter.

P.s. I am an absolutely sucker for fluff. However, I understand that it would not fit with the tone and character of Altair (which you have remained very true to!). But at the same time - the little touches that he gave Sandy in this chapter had me squealing like a fangirl :P

damn u! can't wait for the next chapter as always * watches computer

good chapter I can't wait to see what happens next and... SANDY THE DREAM MEANS SOMETHING! *sorry my spidy senses are tiggling*

That's very cruel, leaving us with such a cliffhanger. I'm really curious about what's going to happen next (who isn't?).
Amazingly written chapter, as always.