This is a great story. Please continue!

This is probably the best writing i have read from a beginner. the content of the chapter flowed nicely from one idea to another and the detail was superb.

However, i did find a few spots were there should have been commas and it would have been more intriguing to start your story off with some major action/drama, it captures the readers attention better.

Please continue!

- XxscarletmoonxX

I LOVE IT! I really really do! This is amazing! Please continue!