Hehe. Bad choice of media; SnS doesn't get many n00bs, so trying to parody them is a bit tricky. If you aren't parodying, this is horrendous.

Lol the two chapters are the same. There's room for improvement like..it would be better if you didn't squeeze all the words together...and you should give more details and it's all happening a little too fast so slow down and give more details. But overall i think that your idea is good and your story will be even better if you work on those points i just said/typed/wrote. But still thumbs up for your effort!

frankly speaking i liked the story of this but its a little hard to follow cause you didn't leave spaces for each sentence. i mean its hard to understand what their saying and when its just a narration.

if the person who was reading this wasn't smart who would have not understood this.

pls improve how you write the story because its really confusing but the story itself holds a lot of promise ^^

hi its the first that ive read you fic but its great! its short but meaningful!i like to see the next chapter!